The Reality Check Bounced~Parental Alienation at its worst~This Womans Life

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: MOTHER EXONERATED:

2007-09-29T09:42:00.000-04:00

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE : MOTHER EXONERATED: SUES ADMINISTRATION FOR CHILDREN’S SERVICES FOR MALICIOUS PROSECUTION, AND NEGLIGENT MISREPRESENTATION September 28, 2007 New York, Ms. Louise Uccio via her civil rights attorney has filed a lawsuit in The Supreme Court in the State of New York after the devastating affect of a false 2001 “Substantiated” Child Protective Services case against her. Defendants named in the lawsuit include: The case-worker, Noreen Boffa and various “John and Jane Does” unknown officers in the Administration for Child Protective Services, as well as the City of New York. Ms. Uccio, a loving and devoted mother, and her children’s lives have been irreversibly destroyed over the last six years. She was accused and falsely found guilty of being a drug addict who attempted suicide. Ms. Uccio is alleging that her estranged abusive husband’s relentless pursuit to destroy her for leaving the marriage was the basis of four investigations by The Administration for Children’s Services in N.Y. and Division of Youth and Family Services in N.J. In 2001; leading to this lawsuit. Ms. Uccio has been kept from her children for years with no visitation, no phone contact, and no access to medical or school records. Her estranged husband has successfully managed to alienate the children from her and erase her from their lives. This loving mother who diligently took care of her children according to her daughters pediatric cardiologist [Dr Putman] has lost six precious years from her children’s lives, during which time two of her children have aged out of the system. Ms. Uccio has no history of drug abuse, as proven in the original documentation that was used to over turn this case, which was available and should have cleared her from the beginning had this case ever been properly investigated. She was falsely accused, and maliciously prosecuted while she was able to prove her innocence from the start. She feels the case was able to be substantiated as a combined result of her civility, and respect for "authority", as well as her naive innocence and not knowing her constitutional rights. Although the false “substantiated” case was over turned on July 12, 2006, Not only have Ms. Uccio and her children not been reunited there has been no visitation to date. # # # If you would like more information about this lawsuit or to schedule an interview with Louise Uccio please call (917) 806-8301 or contact her @ HaveUmistakenMe@aol.com

Check out the film, Jakes Closet

2007-04-04T23:03:00.000-04:00

Please check out this site about the movie "Jakes Closet" Its a true depiction of the unconsicious and insidiousness way parental alienation occurs in families distressed by divorce. The movie depicts just how real a child's fears are. With divorce rates approaching over 50% versus 25% in the sixties, it should have a massive audience appeal, due to the content.

Parental Alienation Video

2007-03-27T07:41:00.000-04:00

Someone passed this video on to me and I want to pass it on to you all. This explains PAS and the lasting effects on children. http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQIXAjC_v50 I think every parent and every divorcing couple who have children should watch this. Parental Alienation DOES happen. Although NOW would like to say that the things we have seen and experienced are all part of "Stockholm Syndrome" it goes further then this. Yes once the children become emeshed in the PAS then one may also witness Stockholm, they seem to go hand in hand. PAS does exist and needs to be recognized....it is just another form of child abuse.

Travesties of CPS

2007-02-22T21:40:00.000-05:00

TRAVESTIES OF CPS........otherwise known as the Tale of Rocky versus the Son of Olive Oyl.

Well here is the tale.....

"Loving father" decides that instead of punishing his 14 year old son in the normal way of beating him with a belt or a wooden board, he would now give him "boxing lessons".

And "inadvertently" the son happened to "duck into the punch" leaving him with severely blackened eyes. Due to his injuries, he did not make it to school for over a weeks time.

When CPS was called and investigated, it was determined that this is just the "typical" way military soldiers tend to parent and discipline their children. It is OK if the parent uses "boxing lessons" as a glorified way to beat the crap out of his son. It is also ok for this parent to refer to his daughter as a WH***, C***, ect. as well as dump full trash cans over her head.

Seems that because these children accept this behavior and treatment as normal, and because they did not complain and tend to defend the parent that this is ALL acceptable.

Please tell me what is wrong with this picture?? A 38 year old Army Special Forces soldier boxing a 14 year old boy, who was diagnoised as being hypotonic(no muscle tone).Tell me how this type of discipline is "normal" and how it will teach this young man to be a productive human being??

Maybe it is just North Carolinia?? Because the people here in my state suggested that this man be charged and arrested for this type of "behavior modification".

And WHOSE REALITY CHECK BOUNCED?????

Wow it has been 8 months since..

2006-11-29T09:11:00.000-05:00

Wow, I just realized it has been 8 months since I posted. NOT that I don't have alot to say but it would seem in my best interest not to at this point....But I figure I need to at least keep this active. Since March I have hired a lawyer and have been in legal litigation. I have witnessed my exs slick manipulation of the court system. Court orders made by judges in July, nothing signed til October and still no action taken. Just more time to manipulate and alienate the children. More time to mentally manipulate and damge the children.... Again signs of Parental Alienation. I am holding up thru it all... I still believe in KARMA....Eventually the horrible things one does to others eventually come back and bite you back......

WHY PUT THE CHILDREN IN THE MIDDLE??

2006-03-22T21:27:00.000-05:00

I know it is hard NOT to put the children in the middle of a divorce or custody issue, but why in the hell do it intentionally??? We, as parents, have to understand that children are already hurt by the split, the loss of one parent no longer living in the home or with them. Why make it worse for them??? Why include them in adult conversations??? Funny, one of the things my ex used to accuse me of was discussing adult things with my kids. He used this when I would ask about what he may have cooked them for dinner. He had actually trained my oldest, at 8 years old to tell me that I was including her in adult conversations. Basically anything other then "how are you" was off limits.This pretty much made it really difficult to have a conversation with them when they were younger. It left nothing else to talk about and children just are not that forth coming on a telephone, especially when being tape recorded by their father. So now, it comes to my attention, that even though I was constantly reprimanded by him and the children for having so called "adult conversations" with the children, he in all actuality WAS!!! YES!!! AMAZING ISN'T IT? Not only has he discussed with them adult situations, he has given them details and somehow has convinced them that some of this behavior is ACCEPTABLE and NORMAL! Of course, some of the details were adjusted, to make him look like the good guy and I gues some of the details he just didn't care enough about to adjust as he felt his behavior was JUSTIFIED! As an example, apparently he told my daughter about his escapades while on a deployment to Dominican Republic. During this time, I had recieved several messages from some of the higher ranking soldiers there with him who warned me to NOT allow him to touch me when he arrived home as he had been playing with some of the local natives. I was SHOCKED but even more so when I later recieved a phone bill a month later for over $900. All calls to this 3rd world country!!!! This poor woman. she was obviously clueless. So I called her. Figured one more phone call sure wouldn't hurt my phone bill. SHe spoke no English so I asked her if she knew Jack.......si si Jacko gringo what up what up....(his fav saying at the time) I said Jacko married, in my worst spanish accent. Uno Dos Trez bambinos. OMG....she was wailing and someone who spoke a little English got on the phone and asked me if this was true. I said, Yes I am his wife. Several months later, I found a letter from her written to him in spanish. Upon translation it said he was the best white gringo. That she had just got out of a mental institution after finding out he was marrried and did not tell her. That she thought he was going to marry her. Anyways, the story was apparently repeated to my daughter. She confronted me with the knowledge of this phone call, although she was in school when it took place. She said I cussed this woman out and how dare i since she did not understand English. I asked her if I appeared stupid enough to do something like that considering she didnt understand??? Then I asked her if she knew WHY I called this poor woman?? She said, with her hands on her hips, a look of justification and defiance on her face, Because my Dad CHEATED on you with her. ....As if THIS was OKAY and acceptable behavior. Talk about REAL SHOCK!!! HOW DARE HE??? How dare he allow her to be part of this???How dare he allow her to think that this kind of behavior is OK and Part of a normal relationship???How will this information influence her own relationships now and in the future??? Since she is now a teenager, how aware is she that he is still cheating...just not on me but on his new wife? And if she is aware of all of this, then how aware are her younger brother and sister??? How does one JUSTIFY this behavior?? The disclosures of an adult nature?? Unless of course he tries to place the blame on me...surprise surprise.... Except... I used to never use the word cheat. I had a phrase all my own for shady behavior at that time that I used for many things. My friends even made jokes about it. Of course at this point I cannot disclose the phrase haha But later I will. Anyone can take a quess.... I think somewhere along the line my ex has been so involved in ALIENATING my children from me, that he lost sight of doing the right things for them and teaching them true values and morals. He is definitly not setting a very good example nor can I say he is a good role model. I am sure during the tribulations within our marriage the children did overhear adult conversations, and they would usually ask questions. Instead of avoiding the subject or trying to redirect their curious minds, I would try to give them simple answers that did not require details. The less they knew the better, but I felt that they had a right to understand certain things, such as anger or frustration that leads to verbal abuse. And yes, some of was a bit more in the adult category. But the children had already witnessed their fathers abuse of me so many times, I think they needed to hear some kind of answer and reassurances that this was NOT their fault, that they did not make Daddy angry...But putting them in the middle of this.....What in the world was he thinking... It is bad enough, apparently his new wife, who does not even know me tell them stories. Shame on them both, robbing them of their childhood.

SHATTERED LIVES~BROKEN HEARTS

2006-03-21T23:26:00.000-05:00

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY???? When people divorce, split up, go their seperate ways, whatever one wants to call it.....why do they have to completely shatter their childrens lives?? And possibly those of their spouse,(ex spouse)???Do they not realize what the end result will be?? Or do they just not give a damn?? Are people becoming so self centered that nothing else matters??? Even the courts of our country..... Have they ever questioned the parents on what they feel is in the best interest of their kids and base their decisions on this response?? It is pretty easy to determine if a response is a "learned" response or one that comes deep down from the heart. I am asking these questions and mulling this over for several reasons. In a marriage, even if it is only one person who is not happy, obviously the "happy" person really cannot be happy. Living with someone who is unhappy?? I seriously doubt it. Maybe a touch of denial there. If a spouse cheats on another, someone there is not happy. Either with themselves or their significant other. If there is arguing, abuse, or just plain not getting along... someone is not happy. And this has an effect on all others in the home. So eventually people choose to part ways. Does this mean there should be a HATE filled relationship afterwards???Not in my opinion. For one reason or another, these people got along good enough and loved each other enough to get married and have children. Just because they get divorced, is that a reason to begin to hate one another???Why can't people accept the fact that for one reason or another it just did not work. That maybe he cheated, or she lied, or whatever the excuse or reason.... Instead I am seeing it more and more that these people end their relationship and then begin to HATE. So filled with anger that lasts years and years. Is THIS healthy??? NOT! I had an opportunity to talk to one of my daughters recently, after a very very long seperation. The HATE that her father has verbalized to her towards me put me in such shock. Granted,he has done many things for me to hate him.. to dislike him..but.. I don't hate him. I may dislike his ways, his behaviors, reasons why we are now divorced. But I was still his wife at one time. We DID love each other, no matter how much he may protest this idea. We created 3 children together. Out of Hate?? I don't think so.... But listening to this young lady speak and watching her face it dawned on me.... NO ONE has told her how much she was and is loved. No one has told her how much she was WANTED by me or my ex husband. Hearing so much HATE expressed by her father, I can only imagine how she must feel. Well, Allie, if you ever read this, you were and are loved. More then you will ever know. Right along with your brother and sister. The other thing I noticed while in this conversation is the lies. And not just the really big ones... which, is all part of Parental Alienation....but the little ones that really don't make a difference. Silly things... I guess it makes him feel better about himself?? Maybe he feels validated by the lies?? Or maybe it is his true immaturity showing.... But I wonder if he really understands how much he has shattered the childrens lives and broken their hearts?? A child needs to know, wants to know, that when they were born, that they were wanted and loved. That the 2 people that they call mom and dad loved each other enough to create them.Granted there are other circumstances that this may not apply but with in a marriage or partnership, this would be important for a child to know. Why break the spirit and hearts of your children by filling their heads with such hateful things??? So they will end up as hateful adults?? This child who I birthed, who I raised, who my life surrounded....my little princess, who I prayed over so many sleepless nights....is not the same child who would whisper to cats in her own secret cat language that only SHE and the cats understood. Who cried when mama cat was having her babies because mama cat was in pain; Who sat up with me all night long as we struggles to help mama cat birth her little babies; Who helped me tie off little kitty umbibical cords with string because mama cat was too exhausted. This same child who would help anyone, who empathized with so many....has lost this quality. And it makes me so sad. The lack of compassion, the lack of ability to empathize with others, the dull look in her eyes........she is a broken spirit; she has a broken heart. And I cried.

Questions To Ask Yourself ~ In the ME ME WORLD

2006-03-13T23:03:00.000-05:00

Questions to Ask Yourself When Dealing with the ME ME World

Imagine a first or second date. You can already tell if he is a would-be abuser. Here's how:

Perhaps the first telltale sign is the abuser's defenses – his tendency to blame every mistake of his, every failure, or mishap on others, or on the world at large. Be tuned: does he assume personal responsibility? Does he admit his faults and miscalculations? Or does he keep blaming you, the cab driver, the waiter, the weather, the government, or fortune for his predicament? Is he hypersensitive, picks up fights, feels constantly slighted, injured, and insulted? Does he rant incessantly? Does he treat animals and children impatiently or cruelly and does he express negative and aggressive emotions towards the weak, the poor, the needy, the sentimental, and the disabled? Does he confess to having a history of battering or violent offenses or behavior? Is his language vile and infused with expletives, threats, and hostility?

Next thing: is he too eager? Does he push you to marry him having dated you only twice? Is he planning on having children on your first date? Does he immediately cast you in the role of the love of his life? Is he pressing you for exclusivity, instant intimacy, almost rapes you and acts jealous when you as much as cast a glance at another male? Does he inform you that, once you get hitched, you should abandon your studies or resign your job (forgo your personal autonomy)?

Does he respect your boundaries and privacy? Does he ignore your wishes (for instance, by choosing from the menu or selecting a movie without as much as consulting you)? Does he disrespect your boundaries and treats you as an object or an instrument of gratification (materializes on your doorstep unexpectedly or calls you often prior to your date)? Does he go through your personal belongings while waiting for you to get ready?

Does he control the situation and you compulsively? Does he insist to ride in his car, holds on to the car keys, the money, the theater tickets, and even your bag? Does he disapprove if you are away for too long (for instance when you go to the powder room)? Does he interrogate you when you return ("have you seen anyone interesting") – or make lewd "jokes" and remarks? Does he hint that, in future, you would need his permission to do things – even as innocuous as meeting a friend or visiting with your family?

Does he act in a patronizing and condescending manner and criticizes you often? Does he emphasize your minutest faults (devalues you) even as he exaggerates your talents, traits, and skills (idealizes you)? Is he wildly unrealistic in his expectations from you, from himself, from the budding relationship, and from life in general? Does he tell you constantly that you "make him feel" good? Don't be impressed. Next thing, he may tell you that you "make" him feel bad, or that you make him feel violent, or that you "provoke" him. "Look what you made me do!" is an abuser's ubiquitous catchphrase.

Does he find sadistic sex exciting? Does he have fantasies of rape or pedophilia? Is he too forceful with you in and out of the sexual intercourse? Does he like hurting you physically or finds it amusing? Does he abuse you verbally – does he curse you, demeans you, calls you ugly or inappropriately diminutive names, or persistently criticizes you? Does he then switch to being saccharine and "loving", apologizes profusely and buys you gifts?

If you have answered "yes" to any of the above – stay away! He is an abuser. Then there is the abuser's body language. It comprises an unequivocal series of subtle – but discernible – warning signs. Pay attention to the way your date comports himself – and save yourself a lot of trouble!

Men Problems and the bad "PICKER"

2006-03-13T22:03:00.000-05:00

THE BAD PICKER

I admit it....I have a bad picker. It might be broken. I don't know...

Oh yea, what is a picker?? It is that "gut instinct" that most women have when meeting a man. You might notice that you seem to attract the losers, the abusers, the chronic assholes..... Your PICKER is broke or at the very least, malfunctioning! So ....Me personally, I end up chosing either men with a Narcisisstic personality disorder or men who are just too willing to do exactly what I say.."PW"ed. Either one extreme or the other. Does this have a familiar ring to it??? haha Well, my problem is not with the PWed men, they are passive and no threat to me. But...the narcisisstic men.......THEY are a problem.....and not just for me, but for many of us...in fact, some are problems in society in general. But there is good news..........There are tons of RED FLAGS that we all can be aware of!!! Most N's are very deceptive. They are hard to spot, hard to pinpoint and even worse, harder to pin down. Even mental health professionals have trouble so don't feel so badly. These guys present to us, the gullible women, this False Self...most of it is fictional. By the time he shows his true colors, it is usually too late. By then it is hard to seperate from them.

Good news, A list of the RED FLAGS!!!!!! So read and learn!

1. haughty body language~ as if he is so much better, superior we might think of it as a cockiness. Something some of us find attractive in some weird kind of way. You might notice his amused indifference to his surroundings, he will look you straight in the eye. But you may notice he doesn't get really physically close. He may verbally banter with others in social situations, although a condesending attitude might be noticable. He may mingle around, but he might appear to be the lone wolf type.

2. Entitlement~He will almost always ask for "special treatment"..whether it be not waiting his turn, demand to speak to a supervisor, get served first ect..He will demand the undivided attention of a waiter at a resturant, or the hostess.

He might get angry if he does not get his way, because he sees others as inferior to himself

3. Idealization or devaluation~ He will either instantly idealize you or devalue you. He will smoothly lavish you with compliments, flattery, acts as if he totally adores you almost to the point of it becoming embarrassing. Or he will go to the other extreme by totally humiliating you. Sulks, whines ect... and you wonder what the hell you did to deserve this!

Once they have you hooked, you will notice that this polite and charming guy does not exist. His flattery has deteriorated to caustic verbal barbs and hostility!

4. Membership posture "I BELONG HERE"~ This guy always tries to "belong".But at the same time, he tends to be an outsider. He seeks to be admired for his ability to integrate and ingratiate himself without exerting the effort.

Here is an example: "For instance: if the narcissist talks to a psychologist, the narcissist first states emphatically that he never studied psychology. He then proceeds to make seemingly effortless use of obscure professional terms, thus demonstrating that he mastered the discipline all the same, as an autodidact – which proves that he is exceptionally intelligent or introspective."

This guy prefers to show off...but there is nothing real about him. He will never admit to not knowing about something. He prefers others think he is a jack of all..If you question him further, you may see a spark of rage or he will change the topic.

5. Bragging~He will brag ALL of the time. I, me, myself are keywords for him. You will hear of his achievements, he will name drop, ect... But you might wonder, at his age, or based on what he does not, how this is true.

6. Sweet Emotions NOT~ He loves to talk.......ABOUT HIMSELF. He has NO interest in others, unless he is trying to feed off of them. He acts bored, distainful, even angry if YOU intrude on HIM. Might even see it as YOU abusing HIM!

This guy is dead serious about himself.He may possess a subtle, wry, and riotous sense of humor, scathing and cynical, but rarely is he self-deprecating.This self-misperception is not amenable to light-headedness or self-effacement. This guy is easily hurt and insulted.Even the most unintention remarks or acts are interpreted by him as belittling, intruding, or coercive. His time is more valuable than others' – therefore, it cannot be wasted on unimportant matters such as mere banter or going out for a walk.Any suggested help, advice, or concerned inquiry are immediately cast by him as intentional humiliation, implying that HE is in need of help and counsel and, thus, imperfect and less than omnipotent.

These – the lack of empathy, the aloofness, the disdain, the sense of entitlement, the constricted sense of humor, the unequal treatment and the paranoia – render this guy a social misfit. He is able to provoke in his milieu, in his casual acquaintances, even in his psychotherapist, the strongest, most avid and furious hatred and revulsion. To his shock, indignation and consternation, he invariably induces in others unbridled aggression.

He is perceived to be asocial at best and, often, antisocial. This, perhaps, is the strongest presenting symptom. One feels ill at ease in the presence of him for no apparent reason. No matter how charming, intelligent, thought provoking, outgoing, easy going and social he is – he fails to secure the sympathy of others, a sympathy he is never ready, willing, or able to reciprocate.

FORT BRAGG SPECIAL FORCES WIFE MURDERS~revisited

2006-03-09T01:46:00.000-05:00

Okay, I know....this is past right??? 2002.... four years ago.... But how can something be put in the past when the problem has really not been solved??? Oh thats right.......there has been nothing in the media......No News No Problems....right??? WRONG!!!! I am not sure which idiot thinks that this kind of thing just goes away?? Maybe the same person who assumes that these incidents just were one of a kind, based on war time situations, drugs given to the soldiers ect.......which is really ignorant ......Is spouse abuse uncommon in the Special Forces community?? HELL NO.... The media getting wind of it.......Definitly uncommon. Tanya Biank lucked out that day before the Special Ops command could put a big KABASH on it. The old Green Beret Brotherhood is real careful now...ssshhh......don't tell a soul.....or we might have to kill ya.... YEA... very true.... Wonder what happened to all those ex wives who were calling Tanya up to tell their stories...According to reports hundreds of them.......We sure don't hear a word about them now, do we??? Except for me.......Coz I don't listen...And I may be afraid, but not afraid enough. If I am going to die by some SF soldiers hand or by the hand of God it is going to happen and there is NOTHING I can do to change it. So...onward I go........Let's take the case of Master Sgt. William Wright, who strangled his wife Jennifer and then buried her body in a shallow grave. He confessed June 29, 2002 and then led authorities to her body. The couple had been having marital problems prior to his going off to war. Apparently after strangling his wife, he put her body is a parachute recovery bag, took her body to Fort Bragg, buried her, and then took his sons fishing. He reported her missing 2 days later, saying he thought she may have run off with another man. 3 weeks later he confessed. Authorities and experts have tried to blame this on the drug lariam or the recent deployments to Iraq. Guess what.......I say BULL SH**!!!! Back in 1998, I was married to one of these "ELITE SPECIAL FORCES SOLDIERS". I can't even begin to count the amount of times he threatened me and my teenage daughter with details of how he would "take us out"(kill) and bury us in the wood line on Fort Bragg and no one would ever find our bodies. Seems my ex and Bill Wright went to the same school.(OMG THEY DID...THE Q COURSE AND AN "A" TEAM and the exact same 3rdGroup!!!) Amazing how I was threatened this way and eventually one of them actually did it. The story said that Jennifer was seeking a divorce. She had told her family she was no longer happy. Does this spell out an "AFFAIR"?? I don't think so, but there has to be an excuse. Everyone forgot that domestic abuse had already gone on with in the family. But seeking help is a NO NO a sign of weakness. And NO ONE better leave an SF soldier....they leave you. No one has mentioned that in the SF BROTHERHOOD there is a saying...."what goes on down range, stays down range". That in this elite brotherhood of REAL MEN who are 10 feet tall and bulletproof, they all cover each others butts and cheating on their spouse is a NORM....not an exception. But AHA, no one will discuss this....That maybe Jennifer finally had enough of the cheating, heard enough stories, and said she was done. Maybe she got tired of living with a man who was so controlling, who came home talking about his "kills", or who had to spend his home time, going to the team room drinking with the boys. What is even more amazing, is when my wonderful ex pulled a knife on me, held it to my throat and described in detail how he would gut me like a pig, although he was arrested, the case just dissappeared. POOF like Special Forces Magic.... This same group of commanders came to our custody hearing, along with his Girlfriend, the one they had ALL passed around, and testified to what a wonderful soldier he was and had so much honor and integrity. And there he sat with his Girlfriend whom they knew he had been having an adulterous affair with. I wonder if they were aware that he even showed me some of their "secret" hand to hand combat tactics?? I mean right down to showing me how to take a credit card and sliding it between my front teeth to slice someones neck with......Oh yea I had some first hand experience with this stuff... And what have they done since all of this??? NOTHING..... They are still cheating, still lying, still abusing in the brotherhood, I got your back Bra..... But now it is all HUSH HUSH...in case someone is media....OH NO... yet to this day his ambiguous threats have continued..... He recently said to my older daughter, when she was trying to visit her brother and sisters, That she needed to erase me, her mother..... That she would have to wait until "this" blew over...(what is "THIS"?) unless she was afraid she was going to die.....In fact, if you were dead it would make my job alot easier...........Ain;'t that wonderful??? Has he got help for this?? HELL NO.... he was trained how to pass psych evals, how to answer questions with what they wanted to hear...He is a professional psychopath. These men are trained to kill their enemy....it just so happens that sometimes the wife turns into the enemy........ROGER THAT??? WHOOOAAHH DE OPPRESSO LIBER.........to free the opressed??? Who Frees their abused??

2006-03-09T01:26:00.000-05:00

Today, in a conversation a few of us were having, we were discussing the Ship of Fools....How we as people see other people in need of help or intervention but we allow this "ship" to continue to sail from port to port and no one takes the time to get involved. Maybe out of fear, maybe we are too busy, or maybe we just don';t want to make waves or cause trouble...and so the ship continues to sail the same cycle over and over. With Parental Alienation (PAS) there are many common factors...... 1. Many people are aware that something is wrong but are unable to put their finger on exactly what. 2. Alienators often keep the children incredibly close, thus limiting the opportunities for someone else to observe or have influence on them. 3. By the time people start putting the pieces together they are often no longer involved with the parent or child due to no. 4. 4. Alienators will often immediately disassociate themselves and the child from anyone who challenges them or who fails to completely align with their beliefs and practices. 5. Sadly, for many people, it is a case of “in the too hard basket”. After all, many would not know where to go? Whom to inform? And who will both listen and act? Why do we, as human beings wait until it is almost too late or that so much damage is done that it may be too hard to fix ,to speak up???? I just bet anyone reading this has seen some of these signs in a family they know....yet felt it was none of their business to say a thing..... And yet you might rant or rave about child abuse, spouse abuse, or other social issues. Why not speak up?? Are you that fearful of losing that friendship?? Is it really worth the guilt that you may carry around, knowing deep down that something is just not right?? Parental Alienation is Child Abuse, plain and simple. You can disect it, twist it around, turn it upside down.... and it still spells child abuse....if one of your good friends was being abused either physically or emotionally by their spouse, you would pull the friend over to the side and offer her/him advice.... offer help....give opinions.........WHY is it so much harder to come to the defense of a CHILD??? Sure go ahead, turn your head, look the other way..... and join those people on the Ship of Fools.... Keep your head in the sand....But DO NOT QUESTION SOCIETY WHEN THESE SAME CHILDREN COMMIT CRIMES, COMMIT SUICIDE, OR BECOME SOCIAL PROBLEMS...........YOU AIDED IN THE CREATION....BY IGNORING WHAT YOUR GUT TOLD YOU!!! BY NOT SPEAKING UP!!!

Best Interest of the Child~Part Deux

2006-03-09T01:07:00.001-05:00

I have had so many responses to my questions, what is in the best interest of a child and what makes a good parent. Seems many people have some great ideas, some not so great, but one person said it all. I feel the need to repeat it here as she definitly has a handle on it all. My thanks to O.P. She is truly appreciated!!! This just touches on the surface of parenting. I believe the whole problem in divorce situations is that the parents MUST decide to love their children more than they dislike the other parent. The insecurity and fear the child might possibly love the other parent more makes it difficult to parent. If parents could just understand that it is NORMAL for children to love both parents and need both parents and if thatparent could be confident in the love of their child, there would be somany fewer problems and issues.Below is pretty much the standard when it comes to deciding "BestInterest." Best interest of the child. The court, in making an award of parentalrights and responsibilities with respect to a child, shall apply the standard of the best interest of the child. In making decisions regarding the child's residence and parent-child contact, the court shall consider as primary the safety and well-being of the child. In applying this standard, the court shall consider the following factors: The age of the child; The relationship of the child with the child's parents and any otherpersons who may significantly affect the child's welfare; The preference of the child, if old enough to express a meaningfulpreference; The duration and adequacy of the child's current living arrangements andthe desirability of maintaining continuity; The stability of any proposed living arrangements for the child; The motivation of the parties involved and their capacities to give thechild love, affection and guidance; The child's adjustment to the child's present home, school andcommunity; The capacity of each parent to allow and encourage frequent andcontinuing contact between the child and the other parent, includingphysical access; The capacity of each parent to cooperate or to learn to cooperate inchild care; Methods for assisting parental cooperation and resolving disputes andeach parent's willingness to use those methods; The effect on the child if one parent has sole authority over thechild's upbringing; The existence of domestic abuse between the parents, in the past orcurrently, and how that abuse affects: The child emotionally; and The safety of the child; The existence of any history of child abuse by a parent; All other factors having a reasonable bearing on the physical andpsychological well-being of the child; A parent's prior willful misuse of the protection from abuse process in chapter 101 in order to gain tactical advantage in a proceeding involving the determination of parental rights and responsibilities of a minor child. Such willful misuse may only be considered if established by clear and convincing evidence, and if it is further found by clear and convincing evidence that in the particular circumstances of the parents and child, that willful misuse tends to show that the acting parent will in the future have a lessened ability and willingness to cooperate and work with the other parent in their shared responsibilities for the child. The court shall articulate findings of fact whenever relying upon this factor as part of its determination of a child's best interest. The voluntary dismissal of a protection from abuse petition may not, taken alone, be treated as evidence of the willful misuse of the protection from abuse process; If the child is under one year of age, whether the child is being breast-fed; and The existence of a parent's conviction for a sex offense or a sexuallyviolent offense as those terms are defined in Title 34-A, section 11203. However, sometimes when a decision is made and the judge says this is in the best interest of the child, he does not have a clue. How is in the best interest of the child to allow one parent to move 15 hours away from a parent the was extremely active in the child's life?How is it in the best interest of a child to not enforce court ordered visitation? I am sure any one of you could add to my comments. What makes a good parent when parents are divorced. A good listener: As parents, we sometimes are quick to judge our child's actions orchoice of words, that we do not hear their cries for love, attention, orhelp. We should listen to their feelings, reactions, and opinions. Tryto understand their point of view. Look at them when they are talking toshow that you are hearing their every word. Put down that book, turn offthat television, stop what you are doing and listen! A good example: We should treat our kids as our equals and not as subordinates. The "do as I say and not as I do" mentality doesn't work. Teach your child howto be responsible, caring, a hard worker, patient, etc by exhibitingthose characteristics within yourself. It's not too late for you to doso. Makes time for the family: It's true that many of us have to work to provide our family with theessentials. In doing so, remember that material things cannot substitutelove and quality time from a parent. Your child should know that theyare important to you. They should not have to compete against your job.The position and title that you hold and your job cannot be passed on,but the love, the traditions, and time put into your family can be carried throughout generations. Get involved in your child's life. Respect their interests, do not down play them as mediocre. Share insome of the activities you enjoy. Become familiar with the currenttrends. It may be a little different than what you're used to, but thatdoesn't mean you can't learn to at least respect it. Displays unconditional love: Love your child no matter what. Never allow them to have a doubt in their minds of your love for them. At times they may disappoint you,anger you, or even disrespect you, but even during those times theyshould know that they are loved by you. No one is perfect, we've allmade mistakes and will continue to. Shower those imperfections with love. It's not much! Simple things that we, as parents, can do everyday.And one other good resource Co-parenting responsibilities apply to all parents whether they are married or divorced. The extent that parents can effectively co-parenttheir children greatly determines how children will adjust to thetransitions associated with divorce. Parents who have primary residential custody usually deal with more day-to-day issues concerning their child/children's welfare. another decisions, like those concerningreligion, discipline, finances, morality, recreation, physical health,education and emergencies should be discussed and made jointly. Remember that married parents often have differing ideas about all or some ofthese issues. This is to be expected. There is no reason to assume that divorced parents should always agree on them either. What's important ishow you deal with differences, not that they exist. It is better for parents to agree to disagree and practice compromising than to argue and fight endlessly for their own way. This, however, is often easier said than done. Choosing your battles is the first step. For example, ifthere are problems with school related issues like completing homeworkor punctuality, discuss these with the other parent. However, while proper nutrition might be important to you, forgoing the battle about what your child eats when with the other parent might be a good idea.Once some of the emotionality of the divorce begins to clear, this topiccan be revisited. Parents (especially those in the early stages of separation and divorce) should give one another some room to parent. Inaddition, look for opportunities to praise each others parentingabilities. This kind of well-chosen reinforcement can be very effectivein fostering the correct co-parenting atmosphere. Most all parents havesome redeeming qualities when it comes to their kids. Parents who chosetheir battles and cooperate when there are differences are more likelyto make healthy decisions for their children. In fact, nurturing anoverall spirit of cooperation is more important than parents agreeing onany one particular issue. Also, parents who acknowledge and effectively deal with their own difficult feelings about the divorce usually have an easier time moving on. On the other hand, recurrent arguments between parents make life difficult for children and parents alike. When parentsfight for their own agenda and neglect creating a peaceful environment,their children may develop bitter feelings and have difficulties later in life with their own intimate relationships. Remembering to relate maturely and with a healthy sense of respect for the other parent (even in the face of great differences and in some cases bad feelings) is the challenge for every divorcing parent. Fostering such an environment teaches children much about love, life, Parenting is probably one of the hardest jobs there is. You only getONE go around so it is important to make the best of it the first time around.

WHAT IS "in the best interest of the children"???

2006-03-03T12:53:00.000-05:00

You know, I have asked this question over and over....debated it, questioned it and searched...but have still not come up with all the "RIGHT" answers. We all know the basic court answers to the question, but is that really GOOD enough??? Does the courts answer to this question address all of the things that are important??? And if it doesn't, then what does? So anyone who reads this, I would like YOUR imput to this question.........What is " IN THE BEST INTEREST OF A CHILD(CHILDREN)" WHAT MAKES A GOOD PARENT?? WHAT MAKES A GOOD PARENT, WHEN THE PARENTS ARE DIVORCED???

BEGINNING THE GOOD FIGHT.....

2006-03-03T12:23:00.000-05:00

Is there such a thing as a "good" fight or a "bad" fight???? Personally, I hate the idea of "fighting" or arguing, especially when it is over children. When parents"fight" one another in court or even on a personal level, the effects on the children are enormous. But... is there a time when it is neccessary?? OF COURSE. It is my belief that ALL CHILDREN need both of their parents in their life.(unless that parent is abusive and hurts the child) My children have been cut off from me TOTALLY by their father. And I do not think that this has EVER been in their best interest. He not only hurt them and me by his actions, but he also took something away from the children not no one else can ever replace. He has tried to break the emotional bonds that were create between mother and child(children). He was aware of what this could potentially do to the children. Yet his anger with ME was so much more important to him then the needs of the children. So...Now......The "GOOD" fight begins. The reason I call it the "GOOD" fight is because my intentions are pure of heart. The fight is not for ME or to regain something long stolen. If it were just about ME and how I felt.....but it is about the CHILDREN. And how they feel, what they need, and the emotional things I can supply them. And I am the only one who can do this. He could remarry a million times, have tons of women in and out of their lives, find the most perfect person in the world, and yet none of these people can give my children what they need. Because no one can replace the mother, the person they bonded with at birth. thru their toddler years...No one can replace this person, even if they hardly remember this person, and this person might be a so called "shadowy figure"... a slight memory. But no one can replace the person. Even when a parent dies, and the family moves on, the parent who died is not forgotten, but put into a special place within a childs memory. When the remaining parent remarries, does the new parent try to replace the lost parent?? Not usually, and definitly not recommended. The new parent should usually try to show respect for the deceased parent. So why is this not the norm with a divorce?? Because 2 people who marry, cannot get along and decide to seperate and divorce, is there a reason to also divorce the children??? NO So my own personal "GOOD FIGHT" is on. It is going to be a long, hard struggle for me. An emotionally taxing fight. I have had to go back over the history. I cried, I ranted, I lost it, temporarily. The PAIN of remembering and discussing it was TREMEMDOUS. The fact that PAS, Parental ALienation, and HAP, Hostile Agressive Parenting is all a part of this, hurts me so much. To think of how badly it has had to hurt my children. The spouse abuse of past, YES IT IS PAST, but the effects are long lasting. The fact that my children are still part of this cycle of abuse. HEARTBREAKING. People assume I am angry. I guess I am in some ways, but it is the PAIN that has been created. And the PAIN can misconstrued as ANGER. I cry and people just assume I am a hysterical woman. I cry because for all of these years my hands have been tied and I feel so powerless to protect my children. I cry because I SEE the abuse that has been done to my children. I cry because I see what has happened to these once confident children. I see the lack of confidence now, and the lack of self esteem. This will be a long hard fight. Compared to my ex, I don't have a pot to piss in. He has the gorgeous house, and all the lovely things that go along with it. And it seems that court systems look at this and feel that these tangible things give the person brownie points . But, is it all THAT important??? Wouldn't it be more important for the child to have a supportive parent that tries to understand?? That loves them unconditionally??? That willing accepts them with all their faults?? As well as all of their perfection?? Maybe I just don't understand, or maybe I am unwilling to understand. And this might end up being my downfall. Being TOO honest has always ended up hurting me in the long run. But then again, that is a whole nother story.

What is HOSTILE AGRESSIVE PARENTING???

2006-02-20T00:54:00.000-05:00

My My, I have found a new term...HAP...Hostile Agressive Parenting....That is a mouthful, isn't it??? But very interesting stuff here. The information I have found says that HAP is a pattern of behaviour, manipulation, actions or decision-making of a person (usually a parent or guardian) that a) creates undue difficulties or interferences in the relationship of a child with another person (usually a parent or guardian) involved with the parenting and/or rearing of the child and/or, b) promotes or maintains an unwarranted unfairness or inequality in the parenting arrangements between a child’s parents and/or guardians and/or, c) promotes ongoing and unnecessary conflict between parents and/or guardians which adversely affects the parenting, well-being and rearing of a child. There are tons of symtoms, going from moderate to severe..... Will badmouth the other parent in front of the children Will impede normal and healthy telephone communication, such as supervising phone talk with kids, etc Will not let older children speak for themselves Will play on the children’s feeling of guilt and sympathy. Will be uncooperative when it comes to working out summer and holiday schedules for children. Fail to involve the other parent in the choice of daycare providers. SEVERE Use excessive physical discipline on their children. Openly violate court orders and agreements, especially in relation to parenting time Fabricate false sexual or physical abuse allegations against the other parent involving the children Instruct the child’s school not to provide information or report cards to the other parent and/or attempt to keep the other parent from attending school activities or events Get the child to call the other parent by their first name For more symtoms check out http://www.hostile-aggressive-parenting.com/symptoms_of_HAP.asp HOSTILE AGRESSIVE PARENTING IS PSYCHOLOGICAL CHILD ABUSE!!

ATTENTION

2006-02-19T23:53:00.000-05:00

Parental Alienation and Hostile Aggressive Parenting Awareness Day When: April 25th, 2006 Where: Around the world! Do your part to get your local community aware of this problem! Did You Know That...Parental Alienation is a form of Child Abuse? Parental alienation or parental alienation syndrome involves the systematic brainwashing and manipulation of children with the sole purpose of destroying a loving and warm relationship they once shared with a parent. Parental alienation and hostile aggressive parenting deprives children of their right to be loved by and showing love for both of their parents. These selfish, vindictive and malicious actions by the alienating parent (i.e., the parent who is responsible for the manipulations and brainwashing) is considered a form of child abuse - as the alienating tactics used on the children are disturbing, confusing and often frightening, and rob children of their sense of security and safety. Most people do not know about Parental Alienation and Hostile Aggressive Parenting until they experience it. Parental Alienation Awareness Day is put forth to help raise awareness about this growing problem of mental child abuse seen mostly in cases of divorce or separation. We need your help to protect the innocent, ...the children. We need your help to educate and make aware to the public the effects of Parental Alienation and Hostile Aggressive Parenting. If you've been effected by Parental Alienation or know someone who has, or are a past victim of a parent who exhibited Hostile Aggressive Parenting and Alienated from one parent, please write and tell us your story. We will add your story to our aricles page for everyone around the world to publish in their local magazines, newspapers, etc. The aim of the awareness day is to make the judges, police officers, phychiatrists, lawyers, as well as friends and family of the people abusing their children by HAP and alienation tactics to become aware.With awareness comes education and understanding, and the power to stop the abuse of innocent children caught in the crossfire of people they love. CHECK OUT www.parental-alienation-awareness.com/

2006-02-19T23:40:00.000-05:00

Well, as the reality checks continue to bounce......I sit here in utter confusion and disbelief. I continue to see articles on the effects of internet porn and the victimization of children; new rules and wanna be laws for spouse abuse; All kinds of info on male spouse abuse; abuse in the work place; elderly abuse; Even animal abuse. Save the seals, save the dolphins, save the lobster.......And yet, PAS, PARENTAL ALIENATION is NEVER included. Is this going to be another thing that will be swept under the rug??? Are the holes in the sand already dug, so people can hide their heads and ignore this??? Of course people are hiding...doing the quick hush hush on the issues. Why add another burden to an already over burdened situtaion. If these people would get their act together, and include ALL of these abuses as ABUSE and list criteria for each, so that it would be more easily recognized........ If you pay attention to the politics of our society, it seems children are expendable. Our society is allowing this..... Have we, as a nation, come to the point that any kind of abuse is allowable, as long as it is not recognized by some so called professionals?? Are these abuses ignored because no one has bothered to make up a list of recognizable criteria for someone to signal out?? THESE ARE THE FUTURE LEADERS OF OUR COUNTRY........poor poor kids.

THE VERBAL BATTERING~and I thought I was past it

2006-02-15T02:15:00.000-05:00

It has been over 6 years now, that I divorced my abuser. I have been in therapy; I have healed the wounds to only emotional scars. I have moved past being a victim; HIS VICTIM. Or so I thought. I WAS SO WRONG. Because of recent events, namely my ex again cutting off my oldest daughter from seeing our children, I called him. I nicely said I wanted to discuss our son, who is having behavior problems in school. This is the first time I have spoke to this man in several years. Of course, he knew that my reason was 2 fold. And he made it clear that he was aware that I had requesting my children's school records. And that he was none too happy. And it began........again....the name calling, the accusations, the smart comments, the belittling, the cruelty. Even on the phone, I began ducking my head. Of course, I tried to remain calm,but my hands were shaking. I was suddenly being transported back into the past, where walking on egg shells was the norm. Where threats of death, in ways that only a Army Special Forces soldier could perform it, was a daily experience. I have to congratulate the Army and the Special Forces Command; they did a wonderful job enabling an abuser and gave him the perfect tools to hone this skill. HOOAAHH.(now that I have THAT off my chest) My ex made it very clear he did not want me speaking to my children and demanded that I never call his home again. I tried to calmly explain that he could not do this, even the fact he did not inform me that he had moved the children was wrong. He would hear none of this. He then let me know, with a sadistic little chuckle, that the school had a big surprise waiting for me. I couldn't begin to imagine because as a non custodial parent, I still had rights. Little did I know......... The following day, I called the school and was immediatly connected to the principal, whom I had never spoke to before. This woman began yelling at me as well. Again transported to years ago, the life of a battered woman. Now, not only was my ex victimizing me, but the school principal was as well. She continued to scream at me that I did not have custody, HE DID and she was unwilling to do anything for me. She informed me she felt that she HAD to call my ex and report to him that I had requested my children's records. THIS IS NOT THE LAW, BUT HER CHOICE! BECAUSE AS SHE SAID YOU DO NOT HAVE CUSTODY. Apparently my ex has played his greatest show, on the stage and performing to the school staff......The GOOD father, how he was done wrong, putting on his charm, and playing up and stroking them. And of course I am the BAD parent. HOW DARE HE?? HOW DARE SHE??? SHE IS THE PROFESSIONAL!! She said she did not want to be in the middle of a domestic dispute. By calling my ex, she put herself right in the middle. She was unwilling to look at any documentation that would have supported me. When I spoke to her about the abuse that has been witnessed in my ex's home, she ignored me. So what is this saying????? THAT THE SCHOOL PROTECTS THE ABUSER AND NOT THE CHILDREN??? Seems this way to me. But isn't it her legal obligation to report any abuse to the proper authorities??? And instead she calls the abuser, and informs him, "HEY MR.SEYMOUR, DO YOU ABUSE YOUR KIDS??" As if he will respond, "HELL YEA, and just wait til they get home today...." SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME....whos reality check is bouncing here??

A Hasty Judgment is a First Step to Recantation

2006-02-15T01:11:00.000-05:00

"A hasty judgment is a first step to recantation"~Publilius Syrus "Never look down on anybody, unless you are going to help them up. "~ Rev. Jesse Jackson "Men of ill judgment oft ignore the good that lies within their hands, till they have lost it. ~ Sophocles These quotes say so much about JUDGEMENT. And there are so many people who make judgements, without knowing all the facts. Or, they may not really care about the facts. Maybe their judgements are based on something they have adversly experienced in their past. Or these people who judge have had their views manipulated. I am finding that manipulation of authority figures; judges, therapists, police officers, teachers, mediators is a very common practice done by a Narcasissist and a person who is the alienator in PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME. The abuser uses the system to pathologize the victim, and to seperate the victim from their source of emtional sustenance~notably from the children. And he will use any available authority figure to do it. Therapists, marriage counselors, mediators, teachers, police officers, and judges are human. Some of them are social reactionaries, others are abusers, and a few are themselves spouse abusers. Many things work against the victim facing the justice system and the psychological profession.Start with denial. Abuse is such a horrid phenomenon that society and its delegates often choose to ignore it or to convert it into a more benign manifestation, typically by pathologizing the situation or the victim – rather than the perpetrator. They are amenable to the considerable charm, persuasiveness, and manipulativeness of the abuser and to his impressive thespian skills. The abuser offers a plausible rendition of the events and interprets them to his favor. The therapist rarely has a chance to witness an abusive exchange first hand and at close quarters. In contrast, the abused are often on the verge of a nervous breakdown: harassed, unkempt, irritable, impatient, abrasive, and hysterical. There is little the victim can do to "educate" these professionals or "prove" to him who is the guilty party. Professionals are as ego-centered as the next person. They are emotionally invested in opinions they form or in their interpretation of the abusive relationship. They perceive every disagreement as a challenge to their authority and are likely to pathologize such behavior, labeling it "resistance" (or worse). So based on this information, I will assume that the lovely principal in my writing prior to this, has been duped. Either that or she is just as narcsissistic as my ex husband. And if this is the case, and this is a person that we trust to care for and teach our children, WHAT THE HELL ARE WE THINKING?!!

THE BRAINWASHING OF A CHILD-how is it done?

2006-02-13T03:45:00.000-05:00

The Brainwashing of a Child~ how is it done??

I am in no way an expert at this; however I am going to try to explain it so that some people will begin to understand. I continue to try and research this subject but usually the information pertains to adults or cults or abusive adult relationships. The one thing I think we all should remember is how vulnerable a child is compared to an adult. Some of these behaviors would have more of an impact on them. Today Mind control or brainwashing in academia is commonly referred to as coercive persuasion, coercive psychological systems or coercive influence. Coercion is defined by the American Heritage Dictionary as:

1. To force to act or think in a certain manner

2. To dominate, restrain, or control by force

3. Coercive psychological systems are behavioral change programs which use psychological force in a coercive way to cause the learning and adoption of an ideology or designated set of beliefs, ideas, attitudes, or behaviors. The essential strategy used by the operators of these programs is to systematically select, sequence and coordinate many different types of coercive influence, anxiety and stress-producing tactics over continuous periods of time To bring about by force. Just as with spouse abuse traumatic bonding takes place. An abused partner is generally made to submit to one or more of the following behaviors (Children as well):

*early verbal and/or physical dominance

*isolation/imprisonment

*fear arousal and maintenance

*guilt induction

*contingent expressions of "love"

*enforced loyalty to the aggressor and self-denunciation

*promotion of powerlessness and helplessness

*pathological expressions of jealousy

*hope-instilling behaviors

*required secrecy

Remember, there are a number of ways children can be brainwashed. It is often accomplished by a parent or other trusted caregiver. Simplified, the process follows these steps:

1. The mind controller is a trusted, loved, and important person to the child. 2. The mind controller hates the person/concept/item who/which the child is being brainwashed to hate. (For example: The mind controller hates dad. or the mind controller hates religion. or the mind controller hates kittens.) 3. The child must agree with the mind controller because the child believes that to not do so might lose the support, love or acceptance of the mind controller. (The child hates dad because to not do so would mean losing mom's love. Or the child hates religion because to not do so might cause mom to not love the child anymore The following are tactics that are used by a person who is trying to control:

1. Increase suggestibility and "soften up" the individual through specific suggestibility-increasing techniques ie: Excessive exact repetition of routine activities, Sleep restriction and/or Nutritional restriction

2. Establish control over the person's social environment, time and sources of social support by a system of often-excessive rewards and punishments. Social isolation is promoted. Ie: Punishment such as grounding for small behavior problems, punishments such as grounding to their bedroom for lengths of time. Rewarding for responding how the adult wants.

3. Prohibit information that disagrees with their views. Rules exist about permissible topics to discuss with outsiders. Communication is highly controlled. An "in-home" language is usually constructed. Child may be taught to never disclose what goes on within their home

4. Make the child re-evaluate the most central aspects of his or her experience of self and prior conduct in negative ways. Efforts are designed to destabilize and undermine the child's basic consciousness, reality awareness, world view, emotional control and defense mechanisms. The subject is guided to reinterpret his or her life's history and adopt a new version of causality. Stories or memories may become distorted.

5. Create a sense of powerlessness by subjecting the child to intense and frequent actions and situations which undermine the person's confidence in himself and his judgment. 6. Create strong aversive emotional arousals in the subject by use of nonphysical punishments such as intense humiliation, loss of privilege, social isolation, social status changes, intense guilt, anxiety, manipulation and other technique

7. Intimidate the person with the force of psychological threats. For example, it may be suggested or implied that failure to adopt the approved attitude, belief or consequent behavior will lead to severe punishment or dire consequences such as physical or mental illness, the reappearance of a prior physical illness, drug dependence, social failure, disintegration, peer acceptance ect..

The cumulative effect of these processes can be an even more effective form of undue influence than pain, torture, drugs or the use of physical force and physical and legal threats.

Some explanations

Isolation: Deprives victim of all social support [necessary for the] ability to resist. Develops an intense concern with self. Makes victim dependent upon the abuser. Monopolization of Perception: Fixes attention upon immediate predicament; fosters introspection. Eliminates stimuli competing with those controlled by the abuser.. Frustrates all actions not consistent with compliance. Induced Debility & Exhaustion: Weakens mental and physical ability to resist. Threats: Cultivates anxiety and despair. Occasional Indulgences: Provides positive motivation for compliance. Demonstrating "Omnipotence": Suggests futility of resistance. Enforcing Trivial Demands: Develops habit of compliance. Degradation: Makes cost of resistance appear more damaging to self-esteem than capitulation. Reduces child to "animal level" concerns

Recognize any of these???

Verbal Assaults: Berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation. Blowing flaws out of proportion and making fun of the child in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes their sense of self confidence and self-worth. Domination: The abuser wants to control the child’s every action. They have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to get it. When a child allows someone else to dominate them they eventually lose respect for themselves. Emotional Blackmail: The abuser plays on the child’s fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other "hot buttons" to get what they want. This could include threats to stop loving them, the "cold shoulder," or use other controlling fear tactics. Gaslighting: The abuser may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. The child knows differently. The abusing parent may deny their perceptions, memory and very sanity. It is this act of abuse which makes the child begin to think they might be crazy or losing their mind. Unpredictable Responses: Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts. Whenever someone in the child’s life reacts very differently at different times to the same behavior from them, tells them one thing one day and the opposite the next, or likes something they do one day and hates it the next, they are being abused with unpredictable responses. This behavior is damaging because it puts the child always on edge. The child is always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and they can never know what's expected of them. The child must remain hyper vigilant, waiting for the abusers next outburst or change of mood. Abusive Expectations: The abuser places unreasonable demands on the child. But no matter how much the child gives, it's never enough. They are subjected to constant criticism, and are constantly berated because they don't fulfill all this person's expectations. Constant Chaos: The other person may deliberately start arguments and be in constant conflict with others. The person may be "addicted to drama" since it creates excitement. IT DOES NOT TAKE A ROCKET SCIENTIST TO FOLLOW THRU ON ANY OF THESE TACTICS. THE ABUSER DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A PHd OR EVEN A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE. ALL THAT IS NEEDED IS A WANT TO BE IN TOTAL CONTROL.

MY WAR ON HOMELAND TERRORISM~STOP CHILD ABUSE

2006-02-09T03:46:00.000-05:00

OK, I admit it... I am on a rant. I keep hearing over and over, "our war on terror" "deaths in Iraq" "let's beat terrorism" ect... And I have to laugh. We set such a good example right here in our own country, right?? If our fight is against those who create terror, terrorism, why haven't we started right here in the homeland, right on our own soil??? You might ask, where?? I don't see terrorists with guns attacking people here? What are you talking about!!! Let me begin here. What is terror and terrorism?? Well according to good old Websters: ter·ror ( P ) Pronunciation Key (trr)n. Intense, overpowering fear. See Synonyms at fear. One that instills intense fear: a rabid dog that became the terror of the neighborhood. The ability to instill intense fear: the terror of jackboots pounding down the street. Violence committed or threatened by a group to intimidate or coerce a population, as for military or political purposes. Informal. An annoying or intolerable pest ter·ror·ism ( P ) Pronunciation Key (tr-rzm)n. The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organized group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons. Now that I got that over with.... seems we have a whole lot of terror right here in the good old US of A. We have gangs of thugs wrecking havoc on our city streets, using weapons against the general public. hhmmm....seems to me this meets the definition of TERROR. I know I am terrified and I know others who are also terrorized by this type of people. But, alas, I don't see any military units patroling out streets, intiating a war on our terror. But even worse then this, we have adults...PARENTS....who terrorize their own children. They brutilize, threaten, coerce, manipulate, violate, force, bully, exploit, victimize and defile, their own children!!!! In a nutshell, they create terror within their own children. There fore, they are terrorists and meet the criteria to be called this. And what does our government do about it??? We all know what to look for when we think of child abuse. We look for bruises, marks, scars, broken bones, and the like. This is what the government publizies. And now they have all of these coalitions about internet porn and sexual exploitation of minors on the internet. Not that any of this is wrong. But how can the government and society protect these children if they don't start at the very beginning. You cannot read a book and start in the middle and understand it. There fore, this internet pedophilia began somewhere right???? WITH IN THE FAMILY UNIT. Okay, so John Perv never showed signs of child abuse while growing up... there were no bruises, no broken bones, all of his basic needs were taken care of.... right????? WRONG!!!!!! One may have considered what little Johnny Perv HEARD while growing up....how he was no good, worthless, a BAD boy, unloveable......(we have heard about this type of verbal abuse too, maybe not as often) Then there is the type of abuse that is kept hush hush.....is not addressed as often by the professionals, is ignored by Child Protective agencies, as well as the court....right along with claims of looking out for the best interest of the children....Psychological abuse. This goes deeper then just name calling. This hits at the very core of a child, and if done by someone who is skilled, the child will never ever speak out against this person. What is psychological abuse??? Psychological abuse refers to the humiliation or intimidation of another person, but is also used to refer to the long-term effects of emotional shock.Psychological abuse can take the form of physical intimidation, controlling through scare tactics and oppression. Psychological abuse is becoming more prevelent in todays society. Yet there is no one who can protect the children who are victims of this form of terrorism. WHY NOT?? If the child cannot or will not verbalize this abuse, or if a concerned person cannot prove that this abuse is having physical effects on the child, there is absolutly NOTHING anyone will do. And these agencies and courts and judges do not consider that these children fear, are in terror of, or have been so manipulated, so coerced by the adult, that they think this is all NORMAL. Or if not normal, that they are powerless to stop it. Later, as these children grow into young adults, they find out that the society in which they trusted to protect them, just did not care enough to consider anything but the obvious. And so they continue on, doing to others, what has been done to them. And we still have our own homeland terrorists. And the horrible thing is, they terrorize the smallest victims. And yet we do NOTHING. We sit back at home, in front of the TV, watch the abuse of people in Iraq, or the suffering in Africa, and think, how horrible. We say the US should go there and save these people. We respond to the psychological torture of the prisoners of war in Afganistand and Iraq, with disgust. Yet we ALLOW this to happen to our children, on our own soil and turn a blind eye to it!!! Funny, if one looks at the signs and symtoms of spouse abuse/domestic violence, we all know it goes in cycles. And we recognize what it does to the adult victim, and we have set up shelters and programs for these spouses. Ways to protect these people...Yet the system we have set up for the children is so much more flawed!!! They fall thru the cracks like roaches. The following are the signs of an abusive relationship. No one seems to consider that parenthood is also a relationship and this relationship can be just as abusive. Especially considering the children can not up and run away, go to a shelter, or in some cases even talk about it for fear of punishment. Warning signs These are some of the warning signs that may indicate either you or someone else is being abused. *physical harm of any kind *attempts to control aspects of your life (e.g., how you dress, who your friends are, what you say, etc.) *humiliation *coercing and/or threats of physical harm to you or those close to you. *demanding to know where you are at all times *abuses drugs or alchohol *individual grew up witnessing an abusive relationship, and/or was abused as a child *individual "rages" when they are hurt, shamed, or are in jeapordy of losing control in the relationship I beleive it is time that we declare a war on homeland terrorism... the very worst kind....because this kind of terrorism, just like in Iraq or Afganistan, breeds the smallest and youngest of terrorists....right here in the United States. And it makes me...so so so.....sad. (Parental Alienation, Child Alienation, Hostile Agressive Parenting, Brainwashing or what ever you want to call it, is the systematic psychological abuse of childern....Learn about, take steps to prevent it.)

lovin me...lovin me....lovin you...lovin me....rape dream re visited...

2006-02-07T03:28:00.000-05:00

I have avoided revisiting this subject for several days. No, I am not in denial...I just really hate jumping the gun and pointing fingers. Mentally I have continued to debate this whole "I dream of being raped" thing. And I am still...at a complete and total loss. I am praying to God that my "evil thoughts" are wrong. That my initial reaction, my gut feelings are completely, totally, off base. But I still feel the need to consider the posibilities. The "what if's". So I will debate this issue. The dreams could be a representation of my daughter feeling as if she has been "raped" of her mother. A feeling of great loss. It could be feelings of loss of control, being over powered by an authority figure, combined with humiliation and someone overstepping her personal boundaries. And then again, it could be pointing to what my immediate thought was. Parental incest. This is so hard for me to imagine. I want to yell NO WAY IN HELL....but yet, I would have said the same thing about him abusng my children like he did me. And this is happening right now!! So I have to consider it. And funny, but when I was researching NPD(Narcasisstic Personality Disorder) there is a section all about sexual abuse of the child. Apparently the Narcasisstic person so much loves themselves, that they begin to see the child of an extention of themselves, and who better to have sex with then themselves...UUGGHH.... In fact, it seems, based on studies, that many pedophiles have NPD as well. It is still about control and ownership. I am going to quote Dr. Sam again as he as done extensive studies on NPD. "An example: by being closely identified with his offspring, a narcissistic father secures the grateful admiration of the mother ("What an outstanding father/brother he is"). He also assumes part of or all the credit for baby's/sibling's achievements. This is a process of annexation and assimilation of the other, a strategy that the narcissist makes use of in most of his relationships. As siblings or progeny grow older, the narcissist begins to see their potential to be edifying, reliable and satisfactory Sources of Narcissistic Supply. His attitude, then, is completely transformed. The former threats have now become promising potentials. He cultivates those whom he trusts to be the most rewarding. He encourages them to idolise him, to adore him, to be awed by him, to admire his deeds and capabilities, to learn to blindly trust and obey him, in short to surrender to his charisma and to become submerged in his follies-de-grandeur. It is at this stage that the risk of child abuse - up to and including outright incest - is heightened. The narcissist is auto-erotic. He is the preferred object of his own sexual attraction. His siblings and his children share his genetic material. Molesting or having intercourse with them is as close as the narcissist gets to having sex with himself. Moreover, the narcissist perceives sex in terms of annexation. The partner is "assimilated" and becomes an extension of the narcissist, a fully controlled and manipulated object. Sex, to the narcissist, is the ultimate act of depersonalization and objectification of the other. " This is some really scary stuff...and yet the fact that my ex meets almost all criteria of NPD, the above statement gives me cause to begin to question. The fact that my children are all displaying signs of PTSD...lack of sleep, anxiety, stress factors, as well and some psychosematic symptoms,(my son complaining his stomach hurts, his head hurts and the complaints are ignored by the parent). There is obviously something going on in that house...I just cannot determine what. But one has to question another when the children are required to "live from within the house out" are "trained" to never ever disclose anything that goes on inside the home, even to their mother, or face punishment. WHAT IS BEING HIDDEN???? OR, if everything is so normal why worry????

CRAZZZZZYYY~~~FOR LOVIN' YOU

2006-02-07T02:04:00.000-05:00

I figure it is time to discuss the lasting effects of spouse abuse. Many of these effects can also be applied to children who have been abused by a parent or caretaker. Repeated abuse has long lasting traumatic effects such as panic attacks, hypervigilance, sleep disturbances, flashbacks (intrusive memories), suicidal ideation, and psychosomatic symptoms. The victims experience shame, depression, anxiety, embarrassment, guilt, humiliation, abandonment, and an enhanced sense of vulnerability.Initially, there is often much denial by the victim. Over time, however, the stress begins to erode the victim's life and psychological brutalisation results. Sometimes the victim develops an almost fatal resolve that, inevitably, one day she will be murdered Victims, unable to live a normal life, describe feeling stripped of self-worth and dignity. Personal control and resources, psychosocial development, social support, premorbid personality traits, and the severity of the stress may all influence how the victim experiences and responds to it. Surprisingly, verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse have the same effects as the physical variety [Psychology Today, September/October 2000 issue, p.24]. When a victim finally escapes, the abused woman (or, more rarely, man) feels helpless, self-doubting, worthless, stupid, and a like a failure for having botched her relationship and "abandoned" her "family". In an effort to regain perspective and avoid embarrassment, the victim denies the abuse or minimises it.No wonder that survivors of abuse tend to be clinically depressed, neglect their health and personal appearance, and succumb to boredom, rage, and impatience. Many end up abusing prescription drugs or drinking or otherwise behaving recklessly. Some victims even develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Acute Stress Disorder (or Reaction) are the outcomes of sudden exposure to severe or extreme stressors (stressful events). Some victims whose life or body have been directly and unequivocally threatened by an abuser react by developing these syndromes. PTSD is, therefore, typically associated with the aftermath of physical and sexual abuse in both children and adults. Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can be terrifying and even disabling. Common characteristics of the disorder include reliving the traumatic event through frightening memories—such as "flashbacks" that may cause you to temporarily lose your sense of reality (psychosis)—or nightmares that provoke the same feelings of horror, helplessness, and fear that you felt at the time of the event. These memories can be triggered by exposure to reminders of the event.It is common for other conditions to occur along with PTSD, such as depression or substance abuse. If you had other mental health conditions prior to the traumatic event, your symptoms of PTSD and the other condition may be more difficult to treat.Symptoms of PTSD in children and teens are often similar to those in adults. However, children and teens can have additional symptoms or problems.

PLANT THE SEEDS~WATCH THEM GROW

2006-02-07T00:27:00.000-05:00

Have you ever played that childhood game, telephone??? You know the one...where you start off with one story, and as it is repeated, the story grows and changes.....with added and deleted pieces of information, so at the end, there is only the basic idea left. Well this is another way to explain some of the techniques of people who alienate their children from the other parent. The childs memories of things, good and bad, are slowly, systematically, changed. The child still remembers, but not exactly the way things actually happened. The alienating parent will correct the child as to the way they remember, enforcing the details they prefer the child to "remember". I will relate a example that I have just recently heard about. My 15 year old daughter was talking to her older sister. She was saying how she remembered that I never abused her or hit her or anything but I did "emotional" things. Like?? "Well, my mom used to make me feel afraid of my dad and I used to hide under my covers because she made me so afraid of him.But she is crazy anyway." This is not exactly true, but somewhat. She did hide under the blankets. She always feared her father since he came back from the Desert Storm war in 1991 when she was a toddler. It got worse once he slapped her across the room. When he would get physically abusive, she would hide under her blankets. And she would also try to sneak over to me later to see if I was alright. The verbal abuse would make me cry alot. And the children would see me cry. Unfortunatly they witnessed alot of this; The different forms of abuse. Now it seems as if Dad has done a little backtracking and ass covering, changing things around just enough so that he looks blameless...and I am the crazy one. But, you know what?? Maybe I was a bit touched in the head at the time...Honestly, who wouldn't be, suffering from all the abuse by his hands?? Actually, it is called PTSD due to spouse abuse. And most people who are abused always seem to be viewed as hysterical, crazy, out of control. Very typical as they have been wounded, both physically and mentally. How many people can stay cool calm and collected after being beat down physically or emotionally??? Here is a direct quote from the book Malignant Self Love by Dr. Sam Vaknin: "Therapists are not immune to these ubiquitous and age-old influences and biases. They are amenable to the considerable charm, persuasiveness, and manipulativeness of the abuser and to his impressive thespian skills. The abuser offers a plausible rendition of the events and interprets them to his favor. The therapist rarely has a chance to witness an abusive exchange first hand and at close quarters. In contrast, the abused are often on the verge of a nervous breakdown: harassed, unkempt, irritable, impatient, abrasive, and hysterical. Confronted with this contrast between a polished, self-controlled, and suave abuser and his harried casualties – it is easy to reach the conclusion that the real victim is the abuser, or that both parties abuse each other equally. The prey's acts of self-defense, assertiveness, or insistence on her rights are interpreted as aggression, lability, or a mental health problem" This applies to police, judges ect as well. http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html

My Rock and Hard Spot Just Got Bigger....Dreams of Rape??!!!

2006-02-05T15:41:00.000-05:00

My "rock and a hard spot" just got bigger... OMG..... What 15 year old girl has dreams about being raped??? And has had these dreams since she was 9 years old????? WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS HOUSE TO SPAWN SUCH DREAMS???? Are these dreams of a past experience?? Of a present happening??? Or do these dreams have other meanings??? I searched for meanings of dreams and came up with this.... rape - You feel used or your integrity violated by someone or circumstances that was forced upon you. Rapedream~ interpretation meaning of dream ~Dreaming about being raped is a nightmare that inflicts fear and anxiety upon recall. Since rape is a brutal and deeply personal violation, it suggests that the dreamer may be feeling robbed of options and negated as a human being. In a dream, as in real life, rape have very little to do with sex. It is about power, control, anger, and other very destructive emotions. In order to understand this dream, you may need to think about the areas of your life that causes you great anxiety and fear. If you are superstitious, take this dream as a warning. Take precautions, protect yourself emotionally and physically and don't engage in careless behaviors. If you were a rape victim, the traumatic nature of this experience may cause you to have a dream like this from time to time.

A GOOD DAY~~FERPA

2006-02-03T16:58:00.000-05:00

Today has been a wonderful day. Yesterday I found out about FERPA, Family Educational Rights And Privacy Act. I admit it. I was totally clueless. I didn't realize that if the father has custody of the children, that I had any rights. In fact he had told me that i was not "ALLOWED" to contact the childrens schools at all. We yesterday I found out this was all a LIE! So today, I contacted the school system as well as each school and requested the school records of my children!! And YES I have the right to them!!!! Funny, speaking to these people, there were unaware that the children did not live with me. They thought that the current wife was the mother!!! As if... My name is no where in the records, except on the birth certificate. And come Monday I have a teleconference with their guidance counselors!!! Seems that problems with the children have been noticed. And based on the statistics of victims of spouse abuse, 70% of men who abuse their spouses go on to abuse their children.......so.... FERPA) sets out requirements designed to protect the privacy of parents and students. In brief, the law requires a school district to: Provide a parent access to their child's educational records. Provide a parent an opportunity to seek correction of records he/she believes to be inaccurate or misleading. With some exceptions, obtain the written permission of a parent before disclosing information contained in the student's educational record. More information can be found at this link http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/ferpa.php

VENGEANCE IS....not mine to take

2006-02-02T22:15:00.000-05:00

Well, there have been some readers who are still commenting over my "anger" and the fact that I appear to be a vengful ex wife. I guess I have not made myself clear enough. So I will try again to explain myself and my "motives" here. Number one, I really DO dislike the behaviors of my ex husband. I do not hate him, but I do hate the things he has done, not only to me and my children, but to others as well. But how can one actually HATE someone that they used to love?? Hate someone whom, together, you created 3 wonderful children??? No matter what went on in the marriage or in the past, Hating him was never a part of it. Disliking him, oh yes. Disliking his behavior, most definitly. Vengful. Not trying to be. And if that is how anyone percieives me, I apologize. I do believe that children do need both of their biological parents, even if the parents are no longer together. A step-parent, regardless of how loving or caring they are, can never replace that parent, nor should they try. So, yes I am darn well angry that my ex and his wife launched their campaign to try and erase my total existance to my children. This was not fair to me, but mostly it was and is not fair to the children!!! And when a person or persons do something like this, I feel the need to question their actions and motives, as should everyone. Is this behavior and these actions in the best interest of a child??? I don't think so. There are certain things a father can give to their children and there are certain things a mother can. And NO ONE can replace this. Or try to replace that bonding by the child with this other parent. When one tries to do this, thru whatever actions, it eventually always comes back on them. Later on, once the child is grown, this parent, the one who tried to erase the other, will be viewed as the "bad Parent", the "hated Parent". This is not something I want my children to do or feelings I want them to have, as children, teenagers or adults. But, eventually, with the process of growing up, they begin to realize what has been done and how they were manipulated. And they will feel angry and feel betrayed by the one person they always trusted. In this case, their father. And the last thing I want is for my children to hate their father. But it seems the cycle will continue if things continue as they are. My "motives" with this blog are....well really when I began, I was venting....because I had just heard that my ex was verbally abusing my children, the same way he did me. And who knows what goes on behind closed doors?? When my doors were closed he was beating me....So of course I worry....I am angry at his denial that he ever abused me. He is in denial of all of the police reports. As if I or the MPs made it all up along with the injuries I recieved. I even tried to tell his then girlfriend that he was abusive and she said "not MY Yack"(she doesnt sepak very plain English). I guess I dreamed it all up, or he uses the common excuse, I MADE him abuse me. And I am angry. I am angry because, in some weird way, I TRUSTED HIM and his wife....to treat my children with respect, with honor, to allow them to be normal children, with normal rights to socialization, friendships, activities, ect. And this is NOT happening. I feel so betrayed, and I can't even begin to imagine the effects on my children's lives. Granted, he is an abuser, he is narcasistic to the nth degree, but I thought the children would matter to him. I actually thought that it was just ME. (Typical reaction of a victim of abuse) That with this new wife, she wouldn't trip him off like I obviously did. I thought he would CHANGE. I actually thought he HAD changed. After we seperated, and he had the children, he began doing things with the kids, taking them places, doing fun things, taking pictures, all things he would never do while married to me. He bought them nice things along with a new house. Things he never offered while we were married. We lived via the garage sale. Now, I see that this was all part of his facade, his act, to gain custody, to prove he was a changed person. A way for him to afford to remarry and not pay child support or spousal support. I beleive now that if he still had to do this, he would never had remarried. I actually have a taped phone conversation with him, where he stated that he was with this woman so she would care for the children, that she has no control of the children at all. That she is nothing in the equation.(maybe I should post a sound byte). But hopeful woman or men who are being abused can learn from my stories, to not make the same mistakes I have made. Maybe people in general will learn that Parental Alienation(PAS) or in my case total erasure of a parent is a form of child abuse!! Maybe people will begin to understand that men like my ex husband need more then a little parenting class on a military post, or more then a little anger management. They need major amounts of therapy. Maybe society will begin to examine the effects of PAS or PAS related behavior on the children. I may not be able to do anything for my children, as I can not afford one of the high priced lawyers that would be required along with a psychologist that we all would need to get past the effects of Parential Alienation, but if somehow my little blog can make a change for even one child, one abusive parent, one victim of abuse, then I can be satisfied with that. People have also asked me if I am afraid of a libel suit of some sort. I say NO. WHY?? Because each and every thing I speak about is DOCUMENTED!!! And one cannot sure for someone publishing the truth. I will use his name, his real name, and maybe it will protect other women from him. He is still out there "pokin the pooch" regardless of the fact he is married. Right now, in my opinion, without therapy of some kind, he is a danger to all women.

More Bad News....does it ever end???

2006-02-02T00:43:00.000-05:00

I just got a wonderful email. From my old lawyer. The same lawyer, who in my opinion, didn't do a real great job to being with. But I figured I would offer her a chance to made amends to her lack of experience at the time. WRONG!!! She refused. No excuse, no nothing. Is she afraid she will lose again? Is she too busy? Is she afraid of Special Forces people? Or is she afraid that it might come to light that she did me a disservice when she handled all of this back in 98/99?? Looking back on it, and with what I know now, she did not have my best interests at heart. If she had, she would of made it a point to focus in on the fact that my ex was an abuser.That not only me, but our children were VICTIMS!!! HIS VICTIMS!! THE SYSTEMS VICTIMS!! At no point were any of the past records of his physical abuse brought up, EVER. She allowed these people to bash me, and never once questioned the glowing reports on the ex.She allowed these people to insinuate that I WAS the abuser! Never once did a question of the childrens "bonding" come up. If it had they would have realized that the ex was NEVER home. She, knowingly, let him and his chain of command testify in court that he would not be sent on any missions outside of the country. (yea, within 3 months he was POOF) SHE KNEW THIS WAS NOT TRUE! She could have at least done me the favor of demanding visitation when the judge said I needed to take the case to family court and "buy" myself a lawyer. This lady , this same lady, lived in the drug infested neighborhood that my ex moved me into when he went to Fort Bragg. She watched me walk the streets alone, pregnant, when I was in early labor, while my ex was serving during Desert Storm. I was one of the nes searching for her teenage daughter when she ran away from home and was been hidden by the local drug thugs. She was there, when we tried to take the neighborhood back, forming a community watch group. She saw me with black eyes, while she was in law school. And she knew that my children were the most important things in my life. And she also knew how important it was for me, to also allow their father to be part of their lives. She sat back and watched it all go to hell. She listened when the social worker testified," I believe that Mr Seymour will do whatever it takes to continue to abuse and hurt his wife, even use his children to do this". She was there when the guardian ad litem testified that he had scared her and stalked her. She was there when the ex did exactly what the judge ordered him not to do, and when the judge was informed, didn't even protest when the judge did nothing at all about it. But oh THATS RIGHT....her husband is retired Special Forces and we must all stick together Bro.... DE OPRESSO LIBER....free the oppressed. How about FREE THE ABUSED??!!!! And just now I was informed she is one of the "better" lawyers in the Fort Bragg Fayetteville, North Carolina area...... NEED I ASK....and whose reality check bounced??? (and continues to..) Here is a link to another case she screwed up...another lawyer appealing the verdict... Sue, you may want to check your reality.... http://www.aoc.state.nc.us/www/ids/Brief%20Bank/Briefs/In%20re%20J.S.%20and%20P.S.%20brief.doc

Another Great Article on PAS(parental alienation Syndrome)

2006-02-01T18:01:00.000-05:00

I just found this today and it is a wonderful article.... Check it out. http://michaelcapanzzi.blogharbor.com/blog

Who Will Save The Children???

2006-02-01T17:29:00.000-05:00

Who will save the children?? Other then parents, who protects the children???If one parent has been systematically erased, it is left to the other parent, the one who has the children. What happens if this parent is the abuser? The children suffer. They fall thru the cracks. And no one gives a damn. For the parent who has been "erased", this is probably the worst thing they have ever experienced. They try to fight a losing battle. A battle against the exact same system that gave their precious children to the abuser to begin with. The same system that allows itself to be manipulated by slick individuals that know all the "right" answers. The same system that wears the rose colored glasses. And we all call this CHILD PROTECTION!!! The problems are multiplied if the "erased" parent is just making ends meet. There is no system out there, that suports and aids those parents, who want to protect their children from abuse, if they cannot financially afford the legal system. Legal Aid?? Not if you do not have the children, or you have not been served with papers. And if you have a job, forget about it. Even when these same people hear stories of the systematic abuse of children, they just do not care. Call CPS. As if...One can try to file all of their own papers and get a court date, and then it is you against the high paid attorney who could care less about the abuse, but only cares about getting another notch in their belt...yea....we have another winner!!! And the children lose. Stand up and take a bow, Mr High Priced Lawyer Person....pat yourself on the back. Whatever happened to PERSONAL INTEGRITY???? I am sickened. And saddened. That a country with so many resources and so much technology, let the littlest ones slip thru. The same people who will eventually run this country. Shame on us all.

Explaining Myself and all the BLAH BLAH BALH

2006-01-31T19:28:00.000-05:00

Hi all....I guess it is time to kind of explain myself. I have had people question my motives for this blog as well as my anger ect.... My motives...well seriously there are none. I hope by allowing people to read whats in my silly head, it may educate some, and might enlighten others. And then there are those who are just trying to broaden their minds a little. People wonder why I am so open, why I have no problem mentioning names of some people, like my ex.... Aren't I afraid that he may find this blog....HELL NO... if he is gonna kill me, and I die, then it is because I am supposed to die!! Not because he holds my life in his hands. Of course I am fearful of him, who wouldn't be??? But I also pity him. And yes I am angry. Not as angry as I used to be...I had got over that with time, but I am angry now, because he is doing to my children what his father did to him and what he also did to me. He is fully aware of the results of this. He and I, in the past, had discussed this. And he did not just fall of the turnip truck... he KNOWS what this kind of thing does. He is fully aware and yet still does it. So yes, I am an angry beaver. But not angry enough to do anything stupid, which I have done in the past.... not angry enough now to allow manipulative people to influence my decisions any longer, which I have allowed in the past. However, I am angry enough to begin to take action. Action against him and his facade. OMG did I use that word??? haha That used to be his favorite word, only problem with it, he could not pronounce it right. He says FA KAID.... like fa maid... I guess that is where the 8th grade education comes in. He used to mimic some of the words I used, but would use them in the wrong context. Would crack me up. Example... "why do you continue to create so much dissension".... his way, I wish you would stop destending your finger toward me, it is creating dissension. Dumb as a box of rocks. Another thing that always drove me totally crazy was how he would always refer to "when I was in school" comparing anyone elses experience to his. Or situations for the children. Hey, you were in school a total of 8 years. And you did nothing while you were in school. Oh yea, you wrestled. But at 14 years old, you did not have the opportunity to experience a whole lot. This was not your fault, but do not subject your own children to the same isolation and control, that you experienced as a child. <~~~ This is why I pity him so much. I will admit that at the beginning(even to the end) I loved this man, totally and unconditionally. He had my heart. And I will admit there were good times as well. Even at one time, we had a good relationship. But this was off an on.. like a water faucet. The problems always seem to center on his lack of empathy for others, the fact he was self centered and self absorbed, and he always thought he was better then everyone else. We would get into major arguments on these issues. He had real problems dealing with the fact he was from Bum "F"ed Idaho. As well as issues with the abuse of his father, and he never once got therapy for killing his twn brothers. And one has to have sympathy with him for the lack of a childhood. But, unfortunatly I could not support the way he reacted to any of this. Because it was with abuse, belittling, and humiliation. The same thing he learned from his father.

Just To Prove My Point....(child abuse in the Military)

2006-01-30T21:31:00.000-05:00

Former N.C. soldier must pay toward son's funeral Associated Press SMITHFIELD, N.C. - A former Army sergeant who served in Iraq must pay $1,000 for his son's funeral after pleading no contest to a charge of involuntary manslaughter in the boy's death. In a Johnston County courtroom Thursday, a judge ordered Jessie Ullom to pay the money to the baby's grandmother to reimburse her for the funeral of his son, Christian Norris. A violent shaking in 2002 left Christian blind. He never walked or talked before he died in December 2004 a few weeks before he turned 3. Judge William C. Gore Jr. also added a year to the two years probation that Ullom, 25, is already serving for abusing Christian. But he decided not to send Ullom to jail even though prosecutor Elisabeth Dresel argued that Ullom should get the maximum sentence of almost two years in prison. "Some people will look at your defendant as a baby killer; others will say he is the authentic American hero," Gore, a Superior Court judge from Columbus County, said to Ullom's attorney. "At this point, this far removed from the actual act ... it appears to not be in the interest of justice to put him in prison." Prosecutors and Ullom's lawyer, Jim Levinson, decided he would plead no contest to involuntary manslaughter but left the sentence to the judge. District Attorney Tom Lock sat on a courtroom bench and shook his head as the judge let Ullom go free. He partly blamed himself. "I've certainly carried a lot of guilt, because we didn't send him to prison the first time," Lock said. Christian's grandmother, Linda Norris, noted that Ullom was not sentenced to a prison term in 2004 when he was convicted of abusing Christian. She said she expected nothing different when prosecutors charged Ullom again after Christian died. "All he got was a slap on the wrist," Norris told the judge. "But him going to prison is not going to bring my baby back." Ullom, who was discharged from the Army last summer, has never admitted in court that he shook his son. In 2004 and again Thursday, Ullom pleaded no contest as part of a deal his attorney struck with a prosecutor. He told a social worker at a hospital in 2002 that he might have picked the baby up too hard and noticed Christian's head flop back and forth, a prosecutor said. Military officials have admitted that Ullom should have been kicked out after his child-abuse conviction in March 2004. Federal law and military policy ban soldiers convicted of domestic violence - including child abuse - from being sent overseas, because they can't legally carry a gun. Ullom spent much of 2004 with the 82nd Airborne in Iraq. "It's not only cost him his son, but this has cost him his career," said Levinson, who bragged before the sentencing about his client's stellar military service. He told the judge that Ullom led soldiers on home raids in Iraq and confiscated an untold number of illegal weapons. ~~~~ This whole story is appalling. The military ignored the charges of child abuse, allowed this soldier to carry a gun as he led soldiers on raids of homes in IRAQ... with the reports of child abuse as well as child sexual abuse going on over there, who could expect anything less??? If he served with the 82nd ABN, I know how they all work. And I guarantee this sodliers chain of command was fully aware of the charges against this soldier within the civilian world. Who is going to make this chain of command accountable for these decisions?? And the worst thing of all is, the judge had to actually ORDER this dirtbag to pay $1000 towards his sons funeral!!! OMG....his reality check really did bounce and I don't even need to ask!!!

Interesting TidBit...

2006-01-30T19:53:00.000-05:00

I found a blog that addresses the amount of children murdered in NC due to child abuse. And compares the civilian deaths to military deaths. I found it very interesting. http://penilecodeavenger.blogspot.com/2005/05/child-abuse-deaths-on-military.html There is one thing I would like to note. I am seriously not sure how these people gather statistics on any of this. I say this because I had called the DSS in Cumberland County to find some information on a past case from 1998. And I was told, that until recently, once these cases were disposed of, they were not saved. Saving these cases only became a "NORM" recently. So basically if someone sexually or physically abused their kids in 1998 to about 2001, THEY ARE SAFE!! They can do it again and no one will know that this behavior has become habitual. I also called Fort Bragg today, to finally find out abut the disposition of the assault with a deadly weapons case against my ex. Funny, they only save them for 2 years. And then they just go away. And apparently there was NO disposition on this case. They just didn't understand why not, and now the statute of limitations is up..... Imagine that. Now I am in the process of contacting the military police there at Bragg to see if the reports that had been made are still in the system. According to JAG, these should still be there regardless. I guess I will wait and see just how deep this kind of white wash goes.........although I may not have copies of the reports the MP s made I sure as heck still have the dates of each assault and abuse where the MPs were called. If these are no longer there, how do they document anything or gain statistics for any of their reports????? And people will continue to wonder......... Whose reality check has bounced???

SPOUSE ABUSE ala US Special Forces,Fort Bragg NC

2006-01-30T09:37:00.000-05:00

Spouse Abuse in the military. We have heard all the stories, we have read about a few incidents that ultimatley ended in murder.( http://nccafv.org/Fort_Bragg_wife_killings.htm )Some people were shocked. Some were outraged. And some were not surprised at all. I was one of those who was not the least bit surprised. Why not?? Because I was one of "those" wives. And no matter how much the US Army or the Special Forces command may protest, they have different standards when dealing with Spouse/domestic abuse. And ultimatly it is up to the abusers "chain of command" as to how these people are punished, or in my case, NOT punished. It makes no difference that the powers that be have taken so much time in writing SOPs(standard operating procedures) addressing spouse abuse, and working to so hard to convince the "public" that the military takes this issue very seriously. For a victim, we all realize that this is a wash. The first thing that happens when an incident hits the military police blotter is that the chain of command speaks to the soldier. Since it is the commands job to support the soldier, they usually never speak to the abused spouse. They accept the soldiers excuse as if it were written in gold. And will support this soldier, even if they have doubts, or are fully aware this soldier has some abusive tendacies. This behavior is more prevalent within the Special Forces Community. The next step, especially if children are in the home, is that the military post, Social Work Services are contacted. Depending on the allegations, it is up to them whether they contact the local county DSS/Child Protective Services. They usually suggest therapy with them,(a waste of time) , anger management classes, parenting classes. Basically this is pretty much a waste if one is working to make changes. Alot of mouth service, and thus the soldier becomes educated on how to sound more in "control" and less guilty. The majority of the soldiers are male, and usually these group therapy sessions turn into a wife bashing free for all. If the abused spouse wants to push it, and wants the soldier to be charged, then the treats begin. "maam, you realize that if the soldier recieves UCMJ punishment it will only hurt you and your childen"...yep this is true. They take rank, money and time from the abuser, which does hurt the family. These officials explain that if you continue to press charges, that the spouse can be discharged from military service. And then who will support you and the children. The end result being that the victim is punished finacially. They have a program that the media loves to talk about. The abused spouse program which pays the spouse for a certain amount of time, to relocate and get on their feet. What is NOT mentioned is that the only way to get this, is that the soldier has to be put out of the military, based on charges of spouse abuse. And this usually does not happen. They will use terms "failure to adapt","not following a lawful order" ect...anything other then abuse. Therefore most abused spouses do not qualify for the program. Most victims of spouse abuse end up chosing not to press charges, no matter what may have happened to them. The PRESSURE that is put on them by the officials, the threats of lack of financial support are so strong, that one ends up giving up. But, once a victim gives up, then it is really on. There will be no more documentation of this abuse. And in fact the abuser will then be treated as if they were falsely accused. The abuser will be treated as if they were the victim, persecuted by the spouse on trumped up charges. Or in the case of Special Forces Command, even if one wants to continue with enforcing the charges, they suddenly just dissappear. If the spouse has sought shelter away from the abuser, and the marriage is no longer intact, the results are worse. It makes no difference that the spouse was abused, that there were documented signs of abuse or even that a weapon was found.... The charges just go away...as if this did not happen. And the command will continue to support the abuser.And continue to claim that there is nothing to support any accusations that this soldier did abuse. WHY?? Because they "lost" the paperwork!!! This is a paper done by the Department of Defense back in 1996,and in 10 years with 9-11 and the war in Iraq, one can only imagine the increase in spouse abuse within the military. The problem is now, that it has become harder to find statistics. At least "good" statistics that have not been altered. ( http://www.defenselink.mil/speeches/1996/s19960723-becraft.html) And imagine that none of these statistics even begin to address the issues of verbal and psychological abuse. Which has become more prevelaent. These soldiers have been trained in these areas. How many more deaths of abuse victims will it take??? How many more murders?? How much longer will victims of military spouse abuse be forced to shut their eyes and pretend as if it never happened?? And the question remains........Whose reality check bounced???

Child Abuse~~it doesn't count if there ain't no marks

2006-01-30T01:03:00.000-05:00

Child abuse~~What constitutes child abuse??? There are so many different organizations who scream and holler and get absolutley NOTHING done. Sure, we hear stories all the time of new laws and rules governing child abuse. We hear about people going to jail for abusing their children. Alot of talk. Because, the organizations that are here in the US, they only see in black and white, and unless there are marks, bruises, physical signs, or unless the child speaks up and tells, in detail no less, then it just does not meet their criteria!!! And the abuse continues. Now let me ask anyone, how many kids do YOU know who would say to a unknown person, or even someone they know, oh yea, my parents call me names, they embarrass me intentionally, they make me feel horrible about myself, they use crazy ways of punishment and disipline, I fear my parents,............How many kids would admit to this, how many would even recognize this as emotional abuse??? If this has gone on their entire lives, who is there to tell them that this is not NORMAL? If these same children has been punished in very unusual ways, how will these children be protected while these allegations are investigated??? These children are at the mercy of the abuser. Funny, society is FINALLY recognizing spouse abuse on all levels.(it took long enough) The experts realize that the effects of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse are maybe more profound then those of just the physical variety. There are now places for these abused spouses to go and seek shelter and protection. Places to get therapy and help. Which is great. There is tons of public information out there in the media that inform and educate those who are unaware. Too bad that most people do not realize that the same abuses these spouses have withstood has also been inflicted upon the children. And if the abuser ends up with custody of these children the effects are worse. Society continues to ask themselves what is wrong with the children and young adults of today. Why do these young people lack respect and integrity? Maybe because they have not been protected by the people who should protect them. The agencies, DSS, the judicial system, and the family. Maybe if we all began to educate these children, in the schools, churches and even daycares, something could be done to begn to fix this problem. If these educators were more informed on the traits of people who verbally, emotionally and psycholgoically abuse, they might be able to single out the children who this type of abuse effects. And if not single out, maybe become a little more in tune with the child, become a mentor or confident of the child. Most children who have been abused in this manner are AFRAID. They have been taught to be afraid. They have been ruled by fear. They are taught to NEVER discuss their lives to ANYONE. Many of these children may appear to be loners, or do not have very close relationships with the others they call "friends". They may not participate in organized school activites. These children may appear to be perfectionists and may be come overly upset if they are less then perfect at any assigned activity. At first glance these children will appear to be just as "Normal" as any other child. They will be well behaved, with a few small infractions, which may result in being overly emotional. This is due to the fear the abuser may find out. If these educators meet the parents, they may notice a greater sense of control and need to control. They may notice that these parents have a greater sense of themselves; overt arrogance, a condensending manner( as if they know more then you) or when speaking of the child, they may change the conversation around and make it about them. All of these behaviors should send up red flags. The flags may be hard to see, as these same abusers will appear to be rather charming and understanding. The child may have already given up. They may be depressed. They may have determined that no one else cares, so they will just have to deal with it. They may come up with wild ideas of how to escape. But the idea that they have NO WHERE TO GO has been enforced by the abuser, no matter how untrue it might be. These children may tend to turn to suicidal tendacies, or talk of it. ( The above are just things I have noticed and I am in now way a expert. Alot of it is based on things I have either witnessed and/or read about) I beleive that if we, the people that make up our own society, would raise up and DEMAND that the "SYSTEM" begin recognizing that abuse is not always seen, does not always leave bruises or scars that can be seen, and does not just happen to a spouse or older person, and if we begin to address this and demand that our politicians begin to address these issues, then our children will grow up to improve our society. Here is a link to the NC state manua on intake procedures for a child abuse allegation.http://info.dhhs.state.nc.us/olm/manuals/dss/csm-60/man/CS1407-03.htm#P479_30500 This has the "tools" to determine if a report should be made. It DOES NOT mention that the child has to be able to verbalize this behavior or meet the following criteria. When making screening decisions, it is important to question the reporter about the child’s mental and physical status. The parent’s behavior must be causing serious emotional damage to the child. Serious emotional damage is evidenced by a child’s severe anxiety, depression, withdrawal or aggressive behavior. The following can be indicators of a child suffering from emotional abuse: eating disorders such as obesity and anorexia, speech disorders such as stutters or stammering, developmental delays in the acquisition of speech and motor skills, weight or height levels substantially below norm, flat or bald spots on an infant’s head, nervous disorders such as rashes, hives, facial tics. It is important to note that emotional abuse is characterized by continuous, ongoing harmful interactions, not isolated incidents. This list is not all-inclusive, nor is it absolute. These are factors to consider when making a decision to screen in a report How does a normal citizen determine what kind of damage has been done unless they have a PHd??!!! How does one determine that a child is depressed or is anorexic if the child does not talk about it??? And again I will ask.........Whose reality check has continued to bounce????

My Apology Letter

2006-01-28T16:57:00.000-05:00

Dear Slick(JACKO WACKO) I just want to apologize for being so mean on this blog regarding you. I know that I am using this to vent pent up emotion and anger towards you as well as your sexual conquests of the past.(hootchie mama) My lovely daughter suggested that I was being mean. So I wonder if this means I should thank you?? Well what the hell......... Jacko, I thank you for bashing my head into the ground and causing that wonderful black eye, back in 1991. I thank you for calling me a "C*nt" during our whole marriage and erroneously teaching our children that this was my given name. I thank you for humiliating me in public at every opportunity by pointing out how fat I was or some other flaws of mine. I thank you for cheating on me, with every woman possible. You also taught me the exact meaning of "beer goggles" and I also thank you for that. I thank you for teaching me and others on your new and inventive ways of punishing the child... ways that actual marks would never show, as this punished a child emotionally and mentally. I thank you for your exhibition of ways to slit someones neck with a credit card, not sure what this knowledge would do for me, but your skills were wonderful. I thank you for your wealth of knowledge inside the mind of a person with only an 8th grade education. This definitly says something for our education system. I thank you for being the "MALE MODEL" that you are, as everyone should have always been jealous of me and my "FINE MAN". I thank you for kicking me in the stomach, while 8 months pregnant with our son, I am sure this helped to define who he is today. I thank you for slapping our 2 year old daughter across the face and knocking her across the room, all because she woke you up. I am sure you taught her a really good lesson. I thank you for throwing me across the bed and flipping me to the other side, as it increased my flexibility, especially with that broken arm. I thank you for buying all those guns and bullet loading kits, as I am sure that these helped to fed the children, when money was tight. I thank you for all the time you were at home, because even though you were always sleeping the children could at least look at you. And at least your body was there for most of the holidays. Jack, I thank you for pulling the knife on me and telling me how you will gut me like a pig. And how if this didn't work, you would make sure that if I were at an ATM machine that one of your team members would "take me out". I thank you for the threats to me and my lovely daughter, on how you would "take us out" at the wood line and no one would ever find our bodies. I thank you for your constant battering and belittleing of our children now. I thank you for continuing on with your behavior and now cheating on your new wife, hootchie mama, as it proves that the saying a "tiger never changes his stripes" still holds true. And I thank you most of all for........ALL OF THIS because, it has made me a stronger and much better person. I thank you for giving me the strength and will to pick up the ball and try to finally win your game of abuse,degradation, humiliation, and most of all control. I thank you because in the end, you will be the loser. You have already lost. Love, Beth ........whose reality check really bounced here???

OOPPSSS.......I made a mistake...So Spank Me(shrug)

2006-01-28T16:28:00.000-05:00

OKay, so spank me, I admit it, I made a mistake....MOI?? Of course, I am only human and definitly do not claim perfection. My lovely daughter informed me that I have screwed up on the ex's nick name. I guess I had misunderstood, and I thought they had said Flick, which really would make sense as he constantly flicks his hair with his hand. But alas, this is WRONG. So from now on, the name is SLICK. I assumed, again wrongly, that this was because he always refers to people as "slicky boy", as in, " I see he was trying to pull another "slicky boy" on me." But I was wrong!!! He has the name of SLICK because apparently he slicks his hair back over to the side. To the point it almost looks like he is wearing a toupee. (see, I KNEW it had to be something about the hair, right on one count anyway) I was also informed by my lovely daughter(check out her pic bottom left) that this blog was funny, but mean. I guess reading some of the horrific things that happened, things she had seen, that reading back on it can be funny, to a point. And sometimes ya just have to laugh or else you might cry. And the mean and horrible things he did and said to me, the things that hurt then, I do laugh at, and wonder how such a "little" man could have upset me so badly and how was he able to control me so well. When it was happening it was NOT funny. So my next blog will contain a letter of apology to SLICK for being so mean. hahaha Did my reality check bounce this time?? UUmmmm NO.... I saw my mistake and corrected it.

Secrets from an X Special Forces WIfe......Greenie Beanies and Their Cheatin' Hearts

2006-01-28T04:08:00.000-05:00

Yep, I am an ex Special Forces wife. In fact, I still have my awards making me an honorary Green Beret. I went thru the Q course with my ex, helped him study, make major CHA CHING doing bake sales so the guys could each have one of those cool group coins. I played on "NASTY NICK" the obstacle course at Camp McCall; Listened to a man who could barely speak "proper" English(he is American and speaks English, just not proper English) try to congugate verbs in really rotten Spanish; listened to him bitch and moan about how horrible it was in "PINELAND"....Yep I did it all. And had the bruises to prove it. Yep, he was an abuser. I heard alot of the old wives talk about something I had never heard of. The "B" wives. Apparently I was considered an "A" wife. Just as they have A teams and B teams, seems they have several wives as well, maybe not legally, but......these "B" wives are located in other countries, usually poor women with nothing else. They think these strong men wearing those green berets are the best white gringo's they have ever met. Of course, usually, they are not told about the dedicated wives and children on the homefront. Some of these women come to the states in search of these men they have met. The write letters to them, or call them, and when confronted by the A wife, usually have emotional break downs. There are some SF soldiers who actually lead duel lives. They have 2 seperate families. One stateside and one in the country that their group works in. The most horrible thing of all is that the chain of commands are totally aware of this, and may have even done the same things. This is accepted and they all aid one another in covering this behavior up. One may ask WHY?? Why a native from one of these 3rd world countries?? These women are more accepting...of abuse, of cheating, of everything. They will wait on these men hand and foot. WHY?? They are looking for that wonderful military ID card, their pass to the wonderful world of AAFES. (the PX/BX) Then of course, you have your SF "HAGS". These are women who are in search of any man who has a SF tab. Or the special ops hag, they want SF, Seal, Ranger, Delta...whoever. Usually for sex. They try to "EARN" those wonderful SF Group coins. With Sexual Favors. Some of these women are "3 holed qualified" and you can imagine what that one means. UUGGHH Then there are the SF "barracks hags". These are the same women who hang around the barracks and become pass around girls. They all have a turn being her "boyfriend". These girls tend to be locals or foreign nationals who were allowed to enter our military, with the promise of citizenship. I call these women "HOOTCHIE MAMA'S". Many are from the country of Panama, usually from impoverished areas. Most tend to have an education, but refuse to give up their customs when trying to fit into our society. Some of these are the same women who were bussed into our military installations, to "service" our male military members. Most of these women are perfect for the SF soldier. They will quietly accept being phsycially abused. The verbal abuse usually goes over their heads, because it is done in English. And humiliation has always been the norm within their cultures. And they won't tell. They will accept that their men cheat. THEY CAN HAVE THEM!!!! And whose reality check bounced this time?? I think it may be a double bounce.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder or"Why he needed a modeling portfolio"

2006-01-28T02:34:00.000-05:00

What is a Narcissist?? A person who has an excessive sense of how important they are. They demand and expect to be admired and praised by others and are limited in their capacity to appreciate others' perspectives.The narcissist feels unique, unprecedented, indescribably special. His actions are of cosmic significance. As a result, he feels entitled to special treatment, even if such treatment is incommensurate with his talents, skills, or actual achievements.The narcissist is incapable of loving, or even empathizing with other people. To him, they are instruments in the compulsive pursuit of gratification, adulation, attention and affirmation ("narcissistic supply"). He does not fathom the human experience because his emotions are thoroughly repressed and he is obsessed with obtaining his "drug" (the aforementioned supply).The narcissist has conflicting needs. On the one hand, he derives his sense of self-worth and the regulation of his self-esteem from others. On the other hand, he needs to feel superior and contemptuous towards the very sources of his sustenance. Hence his erratic unpredictability, callousness, cruelty and dangerous capriciousness.The narcissist inflicts pain and suffering on his nearest and dearest: spouse, children, colleagues, employer, friends. He is a master of mental torture and psychological nightmares. The narcissist defends himself against abuse by becoming the abuser. Early childhood abuse is fended off by resorting to grandiose fantasies of omnipotence, omniscience, brilliance, unmitigated success and eternal love. There are actually 9 signs that can determine if one has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, according to the DSM( what mental health experts use); (1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements) (2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love (3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) (4) requires excessive admiration (5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations (6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends (7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others (8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her (9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes Male Modeling portfolio??? He gets better looking every day??!! Check out the picture on the upper right........ And again I will ask........whose reality check bounced???????

Parental Alienation in a Nutshell.

2006-01-26T13:38:00.000-05:00

I am going to give it my best shot to try to put all of this in laymans terms, so everyone can understand this. I am in no way a writer, nor claim perfection, so bear with me. FIrst of all, the idea of Parental Alienation was developed by Dr. Richard Gardner.(http://www.rgardner.com/refs/pas_intro.html) Basically it is the "brainwashing"/programing of a child by one parent to hurt/defame/blacken/put down/bad mouth/knock/belittle/slander another parent, usually in a custody dispute. It also includes the child helping this along by eventually going along with this and supporting the parent who created this. The child actually ends up believing all of the awful things that the "brainwasher" has said. So the child, all on their own, also estranges themselves from the targeted parent, with no reason other then those pointed out by the other parent/"alienator". In PAS the "alienator" parent "programs" into the childs mind ideas and attitudes that are completely different from what they have actually experienced. The childs contribution to this is welcomed by the alienator and is reinforced, resulting in even more contribution by the child. ** example: Alienator says mom/dad is a bad person. They do drugs,they are not a good parent, the never took care of you. Child says: yea I remember that he/she never brushed my hair once. Alienator: oh yea, remember when she never did laundry because she was gone from the house? She/he was on drugs. Child: Yea, she/he didn't do laundry AND never picked me up from school that day. I think she/he was at work though. Alienator: That is the bad thing about drugs, people who do them forget about the ones they are supposed to love. They don't do the things they promise to do.** This conversation will continue until the child forgets totally that the targeted parent was at work, and that the delegation of the targeted action was actually given to the alienator. By the end, the child will completely believe that the targeted parent is on drugs, is a bad parent, and they will come up with senarios, however untrue, that supports their views. In mild cases the child is taught to disagree with, disrespect,or even act out towards the targeted parent. As things progress it gets worse to the point the child wants nothing to do with the targeted parent. The child may even claim they are afraid of this parent, to the point they may even exhibit symptoms associated with this fear. There are several degrees of PAS. They go from bad to worse. The one thing that I would really like to stress is that PAS is genderless. There have been tons of things written on this and usually it was only associated with woman having custody and the father being alienated. However, as times have changed so have the norms with custody. There are now just as many men who alienate the mothers of their children as there was once mothers who alienated the fathers. This also used to be mainly associated with false allegatons of sexual abuse of the child. Of course, it still is, but with many cases Sexual abuse does not even come into play. There have been many who will argue that PAS does not exist, because PAS is not listed in the DVM( the little book that shrinks use to diagnois mental health problems). Personally, I was just glad to put a name to what was going on. They could call it anything, and the results are the same. Even if the term PAS is not recognized, there is something going on here and Dr. Gardners explanation definitly fits it all. All I can ask is this~~~ Whos reality check has bounced???

sshhh... explanation of The Golden TW@T

2006-01-25T20:56:00.000-05:00

I have been asked many times to explain the term "GOLDEN TW@T" and I figure today is a good enough time to enlighten people. I coined this term from a wonderful therapist I had seen on only a few occassions. I went to her to deal with my anger because of my ex's infidelities. Along with his constant verbal abuse.His favorite little "wittism" was to tell me, in front of an audience of some sort, to shut my C@CKHOLSTER. One can imagine the devastation and the humiliation that this created. Not to include that half of the 3rd SF group was aware of his infidelities while in Dominican Republic. I mean, I got e mails from some of his fellow soldiers warning me NOT to let him touch me because he had been with a "local native". And these guys were told in no uncertain terms as to why they should have no relations with these people. Number one being Aids, two being STDs. Upon his return, was when he decided that he got better looking everyday and needed a male modeling portfolio. If you click that little "flickr badge" it will take you to some pictures. He is in there. Personally, I think he was delusional and suffering from delusions of grandeur. 2 weeks later I recieved a $900 phone bill. Upon his return he began calling his new conquest in Dom Rep, leaving me stuck with this bill. Anyways, I was very upset, to say the least, so I went to this therapist. I was feeling so betrayed, cheated, defiled, and just damn well pissed off. She allowed me to vent and rage for a while. And then cut me off. She smiled and kindly said, "Sweetie, there is NOTHING wrong with you, NOTHING, but your husband has a case of the "Golden Tw@t Syndrome". My mouth dropped open, tears dried up, and I had to laugh. THE WHAT???!!! She explained that it is similar to the idea that the grass is always greener on the other side. But, with just infidelity, they are looking for another person, there are looking for that golden tw@t. They may be searching for someone(anyone) to rekindle that great sex that you all had as a couple, but somehow had been lost, due to the stresses or in my case, the abuse within the relationship. The only problem is, their search eventually always leads right back to YOU..... and by now YOU don't want anything to do with this cheating man. Some of us are able to get past the infidelities and forgive and put it all in the past and then some of us cannot. (This syndrome can also be applied to the opposite sex, just substitute the word) The point is, that everyone has a Golden Tw@t. And just because a man or a woman, depending on gender ect, cheats does not mean that you ever lost it... just means that they forgot...and by the time they finally remember and come back to you because they KNOW where it is now, most of us are long gone, emotionally, physically or both. Who's Reality Check Bounced this time??? ummm THEIRS!

The Maddening Search for a Expert in PAS in NC

2006-01-25T15:24:00.000-05:00

Have I Lost my mind?? Or is it becoming evident that the state of North Carolina, particuarly the Fayetteville area, is in denial of PAS and the fact that it is a form of CHILD ABUSE as well as can be a continuation of SPOUSE ABUSE??!!! Maybe this is because the area is home to Fort Bragg?? And of course, no way is there domestic abuse occuring there, let alone would our soldiers abuse their children. And to even think that these fine young men and women, our nations heros, would ever try to alienate an ex spouse from their children, unheard of. To date, I have found exactly one person in the mental health field that deals with PAS or anything remotely connected to it. Out of the tons of professionals in the mental health field, ONE.....only one. I even called the Care Center, for domestic abuse, and they had no resourses either. I have offered to send some info to them in regard to PAS as they have nothing at all. They say the area is changing at great speed, but what happens to the people who feel thru the cracks prior to this?? And the mad search for a affordable lawyer that has any knowledge or workable knowledge of PAS...hahahahaha....They all "CLAIM" to have knowledge but when asked simple questions(ones I know the answers to) they have no simple answer. Yet they want to charge me an arm and leg to represent me, when it will be I who will be educating them. My head hurts...and the saga continues...Whose reality check really bounced?

Dreaming the Dream

2006-01-24T01:59:00.000-05:00

Here I go again...can't go back to sleep. The same nightmare over and over. My children. Being beat, being bullied. By "FLICK" and his wife, who from now on will be refered to as "Hootchie MAMA". The horrible thing is that I know my nightmare is only a dream yet I also know that this is going on in real life for them. It is probably worse on my son. He is 12. He was my "desert storm" baby. Diagnoised with border line fragileX/autistic behaviors. I worked hard with him. Got him special therapy and pre school. He is hypotonic. Means no muscle tone at all. Skinny as a rail. But we worked hard and he began to develop a little muscle. And he was doing well and was able to mainstreamed into kindergarden. He still marched to the beat of his own drummer, but was able to keep up with the other kids. And made friends. It was a good thing. And then all the crap with Flick. The verbal abuse took its toll on me. And he won. He got custody of the children. And poof, my son failed first grade.No longer were these problems addressed. His behavior was dealt with by punishment. The kind of stuff you would learn in the Army or prison camp. He had his "buddy" Mr Rock that he had to carry around. This was his punishment at 7 years old. The rock was to be his reminder to behave. He is 13 today. I have not seen him since he was 7. Flick cut off all contact. I could not afford a lawyer to get a visitation order and was told the only way to do this was to have one.$1500 Recently the county started a new program that made it mandatory to attend counseling and made it a reqirement to go to mediation. I was not so lucky. This was after I moved to SC. I guess the reason I worry now is because I know as my son gets older the punishments will increase. Flick was abused by his father, mostly psychologically. Just mean hateful things. His father would pit him and his twin brother against each other along with the brother who was a year older. He had remarried so there were also the 4 step brothers. This continued during Flicks puberty. While growing up, they were all taught about guns, how to use them, and how to hunt. At the age of 14, Flick shot and killed his twin brother. Some say it was an accident, although both the mother and the father had their doubts and the older brother said it was intentional. But it was ruled an accident. The twin died several hours after the shooting. When they arrived home, Flick was forced to clean up the brain matter off the walls. Shortly after, Flick quit school at the ripe old age of 14. He had an 8th grade education. He never really learned to develop social skills, and over compensated with dreams and false pride. He is now Narcicisstic. He went into the Army and eventually into the Armies Elite Special Forces, other wise known as the Green Berets. Special Operations. The perfect place for Flick as this brotherhood is filled with people who are very confident. And Flick is able to hide there among the ranks, and continue with his facade. And they continue to teach him new and better ways to psychologically abuse and control. He used these tactics on me while I was married to him and now he uses the same tactics on my children. Sarcastic ways to humiliate under the guise of being "witty". Making the children the butt of many of his "jokes". Pointing out their flaws to any available audience. Using immature and inappropriate behaviors to "teach lessons" And has continued to manipulate those who see them as the "perfect family" and to the outsider it may appear this way. They live in a beautiful home, in a good neighborhood. All of their basic needs are met although he has pushed this envelope. It borders on mild sensory deprivation. He used thir bedrooms as the jail cell and other then the basic needs, there is nothing in their rooms that claims "Ownership". No pictures, no personal items, nothing. No TV, Radio, clock. Absolutly nothing. He has a rule for all of them and has enforced it. There is no telling how but they have been "trained". They live life, according to him, "from the inside out". What goes on in the house, stays in the house and absolutley NOTHING that goes on in the house leaves the house. My daughters, ages 11 and 15 and my son have no "best friends". One might have to disclose to a friend as most children to whisper to their friends the most secret of secrets. Their lives and decisions are controled by Flick and hootchie mama(more on her later). Their lives surround their half sister who is 4. She is prefection in their fathers eyes. And everything they are allowed to do centers around this child. My 15 year old daughter has complained that she is under so much stress, because she plays "mom" to the other children because the parents are always "drunk". She had discussed getting pregnant as to escape. But she realized she had no where to go because her dad had told her that her mother (ME!!!!) was mentally ill and unstable. !!!! (SHOW ME PROOF!!! hahaha) I think he is driving them to the edge. They are filled with anger and hate. And have learned how to lie,manipulate and decieve. In the childrens words, they have learned how to front. Now I can almost understand the motivation of the Melendez brothers when they murdered their parents. Flick has given them every reason and every tool to do this with. I pray everyday, that the love and bonding that I shared with my children still lies in the back of their minds. That somehow, someway, I can convince someone to help them, someone who can help me, and I can give back to them what their father has stolen from them. Normalacy.

AAAAAAAAAAAARGGG!!No Resources!!

2006-01-23T17:01:00.000-05:00

OH MY GAWD!!!!Why are there no professional resources in Fayetteville NC for PAS????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

first blog

2006-01-23T08:04:00.000-05:00

Well Well......my first little blog on here. I will be relating my life as an alienated parent. I will offer links and information on PAS(parenal alienation syndrome) as well as my views of the "system" that seems to allow this blatant abuse of our children. I will also talk about my ex husband who I will refer to as "FLICK" and the spouse abuse inflicted on me during my marriage to this pathetic person. You may notice that at times I will RAGE about the US ARMY Special Forces, as I believe FLICK took all of his tactics from the training he recieves from this "brotherhood". Not that he didn't display sociopathic behaviors prior to getting his "TAB" but, the training compounded the problem. You will get to know me and the life I have lead, the mistakes I have made, the loves of my life, and the regrets. And if nothing else, I have found a place that I can Vent. In my opinion, the reality check bounced for these people who alienate their children.The only way to fix a broken system is with education and legislation to include parental alienation as a major form of systematic psychological child abuse.