Dreaming the Dream

Here I go again...can't go back to sleep. The same nightmare over and over. My children. Being beat, being bullied. By "FLICK" and his wife, who from now on will be refered to as "Hootchie MAMA". The horrible thing is that I know my nightmare is only a dream yet I also know that this is going on in real life for them. It is probably worse on my son. He is 12. He was my "desert storm" baby. Diagnoised with border line fragileX/autistic behaviors. I worked hard with him. Got him special therapy and pre school. He is hypotonic. Means no muscle tone at all. Skinny as a rail. But we worked hard and he began to develop a little muscle. And he was doing well and was able to mainstreamed into kindergarden. He still marched to the beat of his own drummer, but was able to keep up with the other kids. And made friends. It was a good thing. And then all the crap with Flick. The verbal abuse took its toll on me. And he won. He got custody of the children. And poof, my son failed first grade.No longer were these problems addressed. His behavior was dealt with by punishment. The kind of stuff you would learn in the Army or prison camp. He had his "buddy" Mr Rock that he had to carry around. This was his punishment at 7 years old. The rock was to be his reminder to behave. He is 13 today. I have not seen him since he was 7. Flick cut off all contact. I could not afford a lawyer to get a visitation order and was told the only way to do this was to have one.$1500 Recently the county started a new program that made it mandatory to attend counseling and made it a reqirement to go to mediation. I was not so lucky. This was after I moved to SC. I guess the reason I worry now is because I know as my son gets older the punishments will increase. Flick was abused by his father, mostly psychologically. Just mean hateful things. His father would pit him and his twin brother against each other along with the brother who was a year older. He had remarried so there were also the 4 step brothers. This continued during Flicks puberty. While growing up, they were all taught about guns, how to use them, and how to hunt. At the age of 14, Flick shot and killed his twin brother. Some say it was an accident, although both the mother and the father had their doubts and the older brother said it was intentional. But it was ruled an accident. The twin died several hours after the shooting. When they arrived home, Flick was forced to clean up the brain matter off the walls. Shortly after, Flick quit school at the ripe old age of 14. He had an 8th grade education. He never really learned to develop social skills, and over compensated with dreams and false pride. He is now Narcicisstic. He went into the Army and eventually into the Armies Elite Special Forces, other wise known as the Green Berets. Special Operations. The perfect place for Flick as this brotherhood is filled with people who are very confident. And Flick is able to hide there among the ranks, and continue with his facade. And they continue to teach him new and better ways to psychologically abuse and control. He used these tactics on me while I was married to him and now he uses the same tactics on my children. Sarcastic ways to humiliate under the guise of being "witty". Making the children the butt of many of his "jokes". Pointing out their flaws to any available audience. Using immature and inappropriate behaviors to "teach lessons" And has continued to manipulate those who see them as the "perfect family" and to the outsider it may appear this way. They live in a beautiful home, in a good neighborhood. All of their basic needs are met although he has pushed this envelope. It borders on mild sensory deprivation. He used thir bedrooms as the jail cell and other then the basic needs, there is nothing in their rooms that claims "Ownership". No pictures, no personal items, nothing. No TV, Radio, clock. Absolutly nothing. He has a rule for all of them and has enforced it. There is no telling how but they have been "trained". They live life, according to him, "from the inside out". What goes on in the house, stays in the house and absolutley NOTHING that goes on in the house leaves the house. My daughters, ages 11 and 15 and my son have no "best friends". One might have to disclose to a friend as most children to whisper to their friends the most secret of secrets. Their lives and decisions are controled by Flick and hootchie mama(more on her later). Their lives surround their half sister who is 4. She is prefection in their fathers eyes. And everything they are allowed to do centers around this child. My 15 year old daughter has complained that she is under so much stress, because she plays "mom" to the other children because the parents are always "drunk". She had discussed getting pregnant as to escape. But she realized she had no where to go because her dad had told her that her mother (ME!!!!) was mentally ill and unstable. !!!! (SHOW ME PROOF!!! hahaha) I think he is driving them to the edge. They are filled with anger and hate. And have learned how to lie,manipulate and decieve. In the childrens words, they have learned how to front. Now I can almost understand the motivation of the Melendez brothers when they murdered their parents. Flick has given them every reason and every tool to do this with. I pray everyday, that the love and bonding that I shared with my children still lies in the back of their minds. That somehow, someway, I can convince someone to help them, someone who can help me, and I can give back to them what their father has stolen from them. Normalacy.