lovin me...lovin me....lovin you...lovin me....rape dream re visited...

I have avoided revisiting this subject for several days. No, I am not in denial...I just really hate jumping the gun and pointing fingers. Mentally I have continued to debate this whole "I dream of being raped" thing. And I am still...at a complete and total loss. I am praying to God that my "evil thoughts" are wrong. That my initial reaction, my gut feelings are completely, totally, off base. But I still feel the need to consider the posibilities. The "what if's". So I will debate this issue. The dreams could be a representation of my daughter feeling as if she has been "raped" of her mother. A feeling of great loss. It could be feelings of loss of control, being over powered by an authority figure, combined with humiliation and someone overstepping her personal boundaries. And then again, it could be pointing to what my immediate thought was. Parental incest. This is so hard for me to imagine. I want to yell NO WAY IN HELL....but yet, I would have said the same thing about him abusng my children like he did me. And this is happening right now!! So I have to consider it. And funny, but when I was researching NPD(Narcasisstic Personality Disorder) there is a section all about sexual abuse of the child. Apparently the Narcasisstic person so much loves themselves, that they begin to see the child of an extention of themselves, and who better to have sex with then themselves...UUGGHH.... In fact, it seems, based on studies, that many pedophiles have NPD as well. It is still about control and ownership. I am going to quote Dr. Sam again as he as done extensive studies on NPD. "An example: by being closely identified with his offspring, a narcissistic father secures the grateful admiration of the mother ("What an outstanding father/brother he is"). He also assumes part of or all the credit for baby's/sibling's achievements. This is a process of annexation and assimilation of the other, a strategy that the narcissist makes use of in most of his relationships. As siblings or progeny grow older, the narcissist begins to see their potential to be edifying, reliable and satisfactory Sources of Narcissistic Supply. His attitude, then, is completely transformed. The former threats have now become promising potentials. He cultivates those whom he trusts to be the most rewarding. He encourages them to idolise him, to adore him, to be awed by him, to admire his deeds and capabilities, to learn to blindly trust and obey him, in short to surrender to his charisma and to become submerged in his follies-de-grandeur. It is at this stage that the risk of child abuse - up to and including outright incest - is heightened. The narcissist is auto-erotic. He is the preferred object of his own sexual attraction. His siblings and his children share his genetic material. Molesting or having intercourse with them is as close as the narcissist gets to having sex with himself. Moreover, the narcissist perceives sex in terms of annexation. The partner is "assimilated" and becomes an extension of the narcissist, a fully controlled and manipulated object. Sex, to the narcissist, is the ultimate act of depersonalization and objectification of the other. " This is some really scary stuff...and yet the fact that my ex meets almost all criteria of NPD, the above statement gives me cause to begin to question. The fact that my children are all displaying signs of PTSD...lack of sleep, anxiety, stress factors, as well and some psychosematic symptoms,(my son complaining his stomach hurts, his head hurts and the complaints are ignored by the parent). There is obviously something going on in that house...I just cannot determine what. But one has to question another when the children are required to "live from within the house out" are "trained" to never ever disclose anything that goes on inside the home, even to their mother, or face punishment. WHAT IS BEING HIDDEN???? OR, if everything is so normal why worry????