PLANT THE SEEDS~WATCH THEM GROW

Have you ever played that childhood game, telephone??? You know the one...where you start off with one story, and as it is repeated, the story grows and changes.....with added and deleted pieces of information, so at the end, there is only the basic idea left. Well this is another way to explain some of the techniques of people who alienate their children from the other parent. The childs memories of things, good and bad, are slowly, systematically, changed. The child still remembers, but not exactly the way things actually happened. The alienating parent will correct the child as to the way they remember, enforcing the details they prefer the child to "remember". I will relate a example that I have just recently heard about. My 15 year old daughter was talking to her older sister. She was saying how she remembered that I never abused her or hit her or anything but I did "emotional" things. Like?? "Well, my mom used to make me feel afraid of my dad and I used to hide under my covers because she made me so afraid of him.But she is crazy anyway." This is not exactly true, but somewhat. She did hide under the blankets. She always feared her father since he came back from the Desert Storm war in 1991 when she was a toddler. It got worse once he slapped her across the room. When he would get physically abusive, she would hide under her blankets. And she would also try to sneak over to me later to see if I was alright. The verbal abuse would make me cry alot. And the children would see me cry. Unfortunatly they witnessed alot of this; The different forms of abuse. Now it seems as if Dad has done a little backtracking and ass covering, changing things around just enough so that he looks blameless...and I am the crazy one. But, you know what?? Maybe I was a bit touched in the head at the time...Honestly, who wouldn't be, suffering from all the abuse by his hands?? Actually, it is called PTSD due to spouse abuse. And most people who are abused always seem to be viewed as hysterical, crazy, out of control. Very typical as they have been wounded, both physically and mentally. How many people can stay cool calm and collected after being beat down physically or emotionally??? Here is a direct quote from the book Malignant Self Love by Dr. Sam Vaknin: "Therapists are not immune to these ubiquitous and age-old influences and biases. They are amenable to the considerable charm, persuasiveness, and manipulativeness of the abuser and to his impressive thespian skills. The abuser offers a plausible rendition of the events and interprets them to his favor. The therapist rarely has a chance to witness an abusive exchange first hand and at close quarters. In contrast, the abused are often on the verge of a nervous breakdown: harassed, unkempt, irritable, impatient, abrasive, and hysterical. Confronted with this contrast between a polished, self-controlled, and suave abuser and his harried casualties – it is easy to reach the conclusion that the real victim is the abuser, or that both parties abuse each other equally. The prey's acts of self-defense, assertiveness, or insistence on her rights are interpreted as aggression, lability, or a mental health problem" This applies to police, judges ect as well. http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html