SPOUSE ABUSE ala US Special Forces,Fort Bragg NC

Spouse Abuse in the military. We have heard all the stories, we have read about a few incidents that ultimatley ended in murder.( http://nccafv.org/Fort_Bragg_wife_killings.htm )Some people were shocked. Some were outraged. And some were not surprised at all. I was one of those who was not the least bit surprised. Why not?? Because I was one of "those" wives. And no matter how much the US Army or the Special Forces command may protest, they have different standards when dealing with Spouse/domestic abuse. And ultimatly it is up to the abusers "chain of command" as to how these people are punished, or in my case, NOT punished. It makes no difference that the powers that be have taken so much time in writing SOPs(standard operating procedures) addressing spouse abuse, and working to so hard to convince the "public" that the military takes this issue very seriously. For a victim, we all realize that this is a wash. The first thing that happens when an incident hits the military police blotter is that the chain of command speaks to the soldier. Since it is the commands job to support the soldier, they usually never speak to the abused spouse. They accept the soldiers excuse as if it were written in gold. And will support this soldier, even if they have doubts, or are fully aware this soldier has some abusive tendacies. This behavior is more prevalent within the Special Forces Community. The next step, especially if children are in the home, is that the military post, Social Work Services are contacted. Depending on the allegations, it is up to them whether they contact the local county DSS/Child Protective Services. They usually suggest therapy with them,(a waste of time) , anger management classes, parenting classes. Basically this is pretty much a waste if one is working to make changes. Alot of mouth service, and thus the soldier becomes educated on how to sound more in "control" and less guilty. The majority of the soldiers are male, and usually these group therapy sessions turn into a wife bashing free for all. If the abused spouse wants to push it, and wants the soldier to be charged, then the treats begin. "maam, you realize that if the soldier recieves UCMJ punishment it will only hurt you and your childen"...yep this is true. They take rank, money and time from the abuser, which does hurt the family. These officials explain that if you continue to press charges, that the spouse can be discharged from military service. And then who will support you and the children. The end result being that the victim is punished finacially. They have a program that the media loves to talk about. The abused spouse program which pays the spouse for a certain amount of time, to relocate and get on their feet. What is NOT mentioned is that the only way to get this, is that the soldier has to be put out of the military, based on charges of spouse abuse. And this usually does not happen. They will use terms "failure to adapt","not following a lawful order" ect...anything other then abuse. Therefore most abused spouses do not qualify for the program. Most victims of spouse abuse end up chosing not to press charges, no matter what may have happened to them. The PRESSURE that is put on them by the officials, the threats of lack of financial support are so strong, that one ends up giving up. But, once a victim gives up, then it is really on. There will be no more documentation of this abuse. And in fact the abuser will then be treated as if they were falsely accused. The abuser will be treated as if they were the victim, persecuted by the spouse on trumped up charges. Or in the case of Special Forces Command, even if one wants to continue with enforcing the charges, they suddenly just dissappear. If the spouse has sought shelter away from the abuser, and the marriage is no longer intact, the results are worse. It makes no difference that the spouse was abused, that there were documented signs of abuse or even that a weapon was found.... The charges just go away...as if this did not happen. And the command will continue to support the abuser.And continue to claim that there is nothing to support any accusations that this soldier did abuse. WHY?? Because they "lost" the paperwork!!! This is a paper done by the Department of Defense back in 1996,and in 10 years with 9-11 and the war in Iraq, one can only imagine the increase in spouse abuse within the military. The problem is now, that it has become harder to find statistics. At least "good" statistics that have not been altered. ( http://www.defenselink.mil/speeches/1996/s19960723-becraft.html) And imagine that none of these statistics even begin to address the issues of verbal and psychological abuse. Which has become more prevelaent. These soldiers have been trained in these areas. How many more deaths of abuse victims will it take??? How many more murders?? How much longer will victims of military spouse abuse be forced to shut their eyes and pretend as if it never happened?? And the question remains........Whose reality check bounced???