SHATTERED LIVES~BROKEN HEARTS

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY???? When people divorce, split up, go their seperate ways, whatever one wants to call it.....why do they have to completely shatter their childrens lives?? And possibly those of their spouse,(ex spouse)???Do they not realize what the end result will be?? Or do they just not give a damn?? Are people becoming so self centered that nothing else matters??? Even the courts of our country..... Have they ever questioned the parents on what they feel is in the best interest of their kids and base their decisions on this response?? It is pretty easy to determine if a response is a "learned" response or one that comes deep down from the heart. I am asking these questions and mulling this over for several reasons. In a marriage, even if it is only one person who is not happy, obviously the "happy" person really cannot be happy. Living with someone who is unhappy?? I seriously doubt it. Maybe a touch of denial there. If a spouse cheats on another, someone there is not happy. Either with themselves or their significant other. If there is arguing, abuse, or just plain not getting along... someone is not happy. And this has an effect on all others in the home. So eventually people choose to part ways. Does this mean there should be a HATE filled relationship afterwards???Not in my opinion. For one reason or another, these people got along good enough and loved each other enough to get married and have children. Just because they get divorced, is that a reason to begin to hate one another???Why can't people accept the fact that for one reason or another it just did not work. That maybe he cheated, or she lied, or whatever the excuse or reason.... Instead I am seeing it more and more that these people end their relationship and then begin to HATE. So filled with anger that lasts years and years. Is THIS healthy??? NOT! I had an opportunity to talk to one of my daughters recently, after a very very long seperation. The HATE that her father has verbalized to her towards me put me in such shock. Granted,he has done many things for me to hate him.. to dislike him..but.. I don't hate him. I may dislike his ways, his behaviors, reasons why we are now divorced. But I was still his wife at one time. We DID love each other, no matter how much he may protest this idea. We created 3 children together. Out of Hate?? I don't think so.... But listening to this young lady speak and watching her face it dawned on me.... NO ONE has told her how much she was and is loved. No one has told her how much she was WANTED by me or my ex husband. Hearing so much HATE expressed by her father, I can only imagine how she must feel. Well, Allie, if you ever read this, you were and are loved. More then you will ever know. Right along with your brother and sister. The other thing I noticed while in this conversation is the lies. And not just the really big ones... which, is all part of Parental Alienation....but the little ones that really don't make a difference. Silly things... I guess it makes him feel better about himself?? Maybe he feels validated by the lies?? Or maybe it is his true immaturity showing.... But I wonder if he really understands how much he has shattered the childrens lives and broken their hearts?? A child needs to know, wants to know, that when they were born, that they were wanted and loved. That the 2 people that they call mom and dad loved each other enough to create them.Granted there are other circumstances that this may not apply but with in a marriage or partnership, this would be important for a child to know. Why break the spirit and hearts of your children by filling their heads with such hateful things??? So they will end up as hateful adults?? This child who I birthed, who I raised, who my life surrounded....my little princess, who I prayed over so many sleepless nights....is not the same child who would whisper to cats in her own secret cat language that only SHE and the cats understood. Who cried when mama cat was having her babies because mama cat was in pain; Who sat up with me all night long as we struggles to help mama cat birth her little babies; Who helped me tie off little kitty umbibical cords with string because mama cat was too exhausted. This same child who would help anyone, who empathized with so many....has lost this quality. And it makes me so sad. The lack of compassion, the lack of ability to empathize with others, the dull look in her eyes........she is a broken spirit; she has a broken heart. And I cried.