Best Interest of the Child~Part Deux

I have had so many responses to my questions, what is in the best interest of a child and what makes a good parent. Seems many people have some great ideas, some not so great, but one person said it all. I feel the need to repeat it here as she definitly has a handle on it all. My thanks to O.P. She is truly appreciated!!! This just touches on the surface of parenting. I believe the whole problem in divorce situations is that the parents MUST decide to love their children more than they dislike the other parent. The insecurity and fear the child might possibly love the other parent more makes it difficult to parent. If parents could just understand that it is NORMAL for children to love both parents and need both parents and if thatparent could be confident in the love of their child, there would be somany fewer problems and issues.Below is pretty much the standard when it comes to deciding "BestInterest." Best interest of the child. The court, in making an award of parentalrights and responsibilities with respect to a child, shall apply the standard of the best interest of the child. In making decisions regarding the child's residence and parent-child contact, the court shall consider as primary the safety and well-being of the child. In applying this standard, the court shall consider the following factors: The age of the child; The relationship of the child with the child's parents and any otherpersons who may significantly affect the child's welfare; The preference of the child, if old enough to express a meaningfulpreference; The duration and adequacy of the child's current living arrangements andthe desirability of maintaining continuity; The stability of any proposed living arrangements for the child; The motivation of the parties involved and their capacities to give thechild love, affection and guidance; The child's adjustment to the child's present home, school andcommunity; The capacity of each parent to allow and encourage frequent andcontinuing contact between the child and the other parent, includingphysical access; The capacity of each parent to cooperate or to learn to cooperate inchild care; Methods for assisting parental cooperation and resolving disputes andeach parent's willingness to use those methods; The effect on the child if one parent has sole authority over thechild's upbringing; The existence of domestic abuse between the parents, in the past orcurrently, and how that abuse affects: The child emotionally; and The safety of the child; The existence of any history of child abuse by a parent; All other factors having a reasonable bearing on the physical andpsychological well-being of the child; A parent's prior willful misuse of the protection from abuse process in chapter 101 in order to gain tactical advantage in a proceeding involving the determination of parental rights and responsibilities of a minor child. Such willful misuse may only be considered if established by clear and convincing evidence, and if it is further found by clear and convincing evidence that in the particular circumstances of the parents and child, that willful misuse tends to show that the acting parent will in the future have a lessened ability and willingness to cooperate and work with the other parent in their shared responsibilities for the child. The court shall articulate findings of fact whenever relying upon this factor as part of its determination of a child's best interest. The voluntary dismissal of a protection from abuse petition may not, taken alone, be treated as evidence of the willful misuse of the protection from abuse process; If the child is under one year of age, whether the child is being breast-fed; and The existence of a parent's conviction for a sex offense or a sexuallyviolent offense as those terms are defined in Title 34-A, section 11203. However, sometimes when a decision is made and the judge says this is in the best interest of the child, he does not have a clue. How is in the best interest of the child to allow one parent to move 15 hours away from a parent the was extremely active in the child's life?How is it in the best interest of a child to not enforce court ordered visitation? I am sure any one of you could add to my comments. What makes a good parent when parents are divorced. A good listener: As parents, we sometimes are quick to judge our child's actions orchoice of words, that we do not hear their cries for love, attention, orhelp. We should listen to their feelings, reactions, and opinions. Tryto understand their point of view. Look at them when they are talking toshow that you are hearing their every word. Put down that book, turn offthat television, stop what you are doing and listen! A good example: We should treat our kids as our equals and not as subordinates. The "do as I say and not as I do" mentality doesn't work. Teach your child howto be responsible, caring, a hard worker, patient, etc by exhibitingthose characteristics within yourself. It's not too late for you to doso. Makes time for the family: It's true that many of us have to work to provide our family with theessentials. In doing so, remember that material things cannot substitutelove and quality time from a parent. Your child should know that theyare important to you. They should not have to compete against your job.The position and title that you hold and your job cannot be passed on,but the love, the traditions, and time put into your family can be carried throughout generations. Get involved in your child's life. Respect their interests, do not down play them as mediocre. Share insome of the activities you enjoy. Become familiar with the currenttrends. It may be a little different than what you're used to, but thatdoesn't mean you can't learn to at least respect it. Displays unconditional love: Love your child no matter what. Never allow them to have a doubt in their minds of your love for them. At times they may disappoint you,anger you, or even disrespect you, but even during those times theyshould know that they are loved by you. No one is perfect, we've allmade mistakes and will continue to. Shower those imperfections with love. It's not much! Simple things that we, as parents, can do everyday.And one other good resource Co-parenting responsibilities apply to all parents whether they are married or divorced. The extent that parents can effectively co-parenttheir children greatly determines how children will adjust to thetransitions associated with divorce. Parents who have primary residential custody usually deal with more day-to-day issues concerning their child/children's welfare. another decisions, like those concerningreligion, discipline, finances, morality, recreation, physical health,education and emergencies should be discussed and made jointly. Remember that married parents often have differing ideas about all or some ofthese issues. This is to be expected. There is no reason to assume that divorced parents should always agree on them either. What's important ishow you deal with differences, not that they exist. It is better for parents to agree to disagree and practice compromising than to argue and fight endlessly for their own way. This, however, is often easier said than done. Choosing your battles is the first step. For example, ifthere are problems with school related issues like completing homeworkor punctuality, discuss these with the other parent. However, while proper nutrition might be important to you, forgoing the battle about what your child eats when with the other parent might be a good idea.Once some of the emotionality of the divorce begins to clear, this topiccan be revisited. Parents (especially those in the early stages of separation and divorce) should give one another some room to parent. Inaddition, look for opportunities to praise each others parentingabilities. This kind of well-chosen reinforcement can be very effectivein fostering the correct co-parenting atmosphere. Most all parents havesome redeeming qualities when it comes to their kids. Parents who chosetheir battles and cooperate when there are differences are more likelyto make healthy decisions for their children. In fact, nurturing anoverall spirit of cooperation is more important than parents agreeing onany one particular issue. Also, parents who acknowledge and effectively deal with their own difficult feelings about the divorce usually have an easier time moving on. On the other hand, recurrent arguments between parents make life difficult for children and parents alike. When parentsfight for their own agenda and neglect creating a peaceful environment,their children may develop bitter feelings and have difficulties later in life with their own intimate relationships. Remembering to relate maturely and with a healthy sense of respect for the other parent (even in the face of great differences and in some cases bad feelings) is the challenge for every divorcing parent. Fostering such an environment teaches children much about love, life, Parenting is probably one of the hardest jobs there is. You only getONE go around so it is important to make the best of it the first time around.