Explaining Myself and all the BLAH BLAH BALH
Hi all....I guess it is time to kind of explain myself. I have had people questio
n my motives for this blog as well as my anger ect.... My motives...well seriously there are none. I hope by allowing people to read whats in my silly head, it may educate some, and might enlighten others. And then there are those who are just trying to broaden their minds a little. People wonder why I am so open, why I have no problem mentioning names of some people, like my ex.... Aren't I afraid that he may find this blog....HELL NO... if he is gonna kill me, and I die, then it is because I am supposed to die!! Not because he holds my life in his hands. Of course I am fearful of him, who wouldn't be??? But I also pity him. And yes I am angry. Not as angry as I used to be...I had got over that with time, but I am angry now, because he is doing to my children what his father did to him and what he also did to me. He is fully aware of the results of this. He and I, in the past, had discussed this. And he did not just fall of the turnip truck... he KNOWS what this kind of thing does. He is fully aware and yet still does it. So yes, I am an angry beaver.
But not angry enough to do anything stupid, which I have done in the past.... not angry enough now to allow manipulative people to influence my decisions any longer, which I have allowed in the past. However, I am angry enough to begin to take action. Action against him and his facade. OMG did I use that word??? haha
That used to be his favorite word, only problem with it, he could not pronounce it right. He says FA KAID.... like fa maid... I guess that is where the 8th grade education comes in. He used to mimic some of the words I used, but would use them in the wrong context. Would crack me up. Example... "why do you continue to create so much dissension".... his way, I wish you would stop destending your finger toward me, it is creating dissension. Dumb as a box of rocks.
Another thing that always drove me totally crazy was how he would always refer to "when I was in school" comparing anyone elses experience to his. Or situations for the children. Hey, you were in school a total of 8 years. And you did nothing while you were in school. Oh yea, you wrestled. But at 14 years old, you did not have the opportunity to experience a whole lot. This was not your fault, but do not subject your own children to the same isolation and control, that you experienced as a child. <~~~ This is why I pity him so much.
I will admit that at the beginning(even to the end) I loved this man, totally and unconditionally. He had my heart.
And I will admit there were good times as well. Even at one time, we had a good relationship. But this was off an on.. like a water faucet. The problems always seem to center on his lack of empathy for others, the fact he was self centered and self absorbed, and he always thought he was better then everyone else. We would get into major arguments on these issues. He had real problems dealing with the fact he was from Bum "F"ed Idaho. As well as issues with the abuse of his father, and he never once got therapy for killing his twn brothers. And one has to have sympathy with him for the lack of a childhood. But, unfortunatly I could not support the way he reacted to any of this. Because it was with abuse, belittling, and humiliation. The same thing he learned from his father.
n my motives for this blog as well as my anger ect.... My motives...well seriously there are none. I hope by allowing people to read whats in my silly head, it may educate some, and might enlighten others. And then there are those who are just trying to broaden their minds a little. People wonder why I am so open, why I have no problem mentioning names of some people, like my ex.... Aren't I afraid that he may find this blog....HELL NO... if he is gonna kill me, and I die, then it is because I am supposed to die!! Not because he holds my life in his hands. Of course I am fearful of him, who wouldn't be??? But I also pity him. And yes I am angry. Not as angry as I used to be...I had got over that with time, but I am angry now, because he is doing to my children what his father did to him and what he also did to me. He is fully aware of the results of this. He and I, in the past, had discussed this. And he did not just fall of the turnip truck... he KNOWS what this kind of thing does. He is fully aware and yet still does it. So yes, I am an angry beaver.
But not angry enough to do anything stupid, which I have done in the past.... not angry enough now to allow manipulative people to influence my decisions any longer, which I have allowed in the past. However, I am angry enough to begin to take action. Action against him and his facade. OMG did I use that word??? haha
That used to be his favorite word, only problem with it, he could not pronounce it right. He says FA KAID.... like fa maid... I guess that is where the 8th grade education comes in. He used to mimic some of the words I used, but would use them in the wrong context. Would crack me up. Example... "why do you continue to create so much dissension".... his way, I wish you would stop destending your finger toward me, it is creating dissension. Dumb as a box of rocks.
Another thing that always drove me totally crazy was how he would always refer to "when I was in school" comparing anyone elses experience to his. Or situations for the children. Hey, you were in school a total of 8 years. And you did nothing while you were in school. Oh yea, you wrestled. But at 14 years old, you did not have the opportunity to experience a whole lot. This was not your fault, but do not subject your own children to the same isolation and control, that you experienced as a child. <~~~ This is why I pity him so much.
I will admit that at the beginning(even to the end) I loved this man, totally and unconditionally. He had my heart.
And I will admit there were good times as well. Even at one time, we had a good relationship. But this was off an on.. like a water faucet. The problems always seem to center on his lack of empathy for others, the fact he was self centered and self absorbed, and he always thought he was better then everyone else. We would get into major arguments on these issues. He had real problems dealing with the fact he was from Bum "F"ed Idaho. As well as issues with the abuse of his father, and he never once got therapy for killing his twn brothers. And one has to have sympathy with him for the lack of a childhood. But, unfortunatly I could not support the way he reacted to any of this. Because it was with abuse, belittling, and humiliation. The same thing he learned from his father.
posted by SCB at 7:28 PM
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