lovin me...lovin me....lovin you...lovin me....rape dream re visited...
I have avoided revisiting this subject for several days. No, I am not in denial...I just really hate jumping the gun and pointing fingers. Mentally I have continued to debate this whole "I dream of being raped" thing. And I am still...at a complete and total loss. I am praying to God that my "evil thoughts" are wrong. That my initial reaction, my gut feelings are completely, totally, off base. But I still feel the need to consider the posibilities. The "what if's". So I will debate this issue.
The dreams could be a representation of my daughter feeling as if she has been "raped" of her mother. A feeling of great loss. It could be feelings of loss of control, being over powered by an authority figure, combined with humiliation and someone overstepping her personal boundaries.
And then again, it could be pointing to what my immediate thought was. Parental incest. This is so hard for me to imagine. I want to yell NO WAY IN HELL....but yet, I would have said the same thing about him abusng my children like he did me. And this is happening right now!!
So I have to consider it. And funny, but when I was researching NPD(Narcasisstic Personality Disorder) there is a section all about sexual abuse of the child. Apparently the Narcasisstic person so much loves themselves, that they begin to see the child of an extention of themselves, and who better to have sex with then themselves...UUGGHH....
In fact, it seems, based on studies, that many pedophiles have NPD as well.
It is still about control and ownership.
I am going to quote Dr. Sam again as he as done extensive studies on NPD.
"An example: by being closely identified with his offspring, a narcissistic father secures the grateful admiration of the mother ("What an outstanding father/brother he is"). He also assumes part of or all the credit for baby's/sibling's achievements. This is a process of annexation and assimilation of the other, a strategy that the narcissist makes use of in most of his relationships.
As siblings or progeny grow older, the narcissist begins to see their potential to be edifying, reliable and satisfactory Sources of Narcissistic Supply. His attitude, then, is completely transformed. The former threats have now become promising potentials. He cultivates those whom he trusts to be the most rewarding. He encourages them to idolise him, to adore him, to be awed by him, to admire his deeds and capabilities, to learn to blindly trust and obey him, in short to surrender to his charisma and to become submerged in his follies-de-grandeur.
It is at this stage that the risk of child abuse - up to and including outright incest - is heightened. The narcissist is auto-erotic. He is the preferred object of his own sexual attraction. His siblings and his children share his genetic material. Molesting or having intercourse with them is as close as the narcissist gets to having sex with himself.
Moreover, the narcissist perceives sex in terms of annexation. The partner is "assimilated" and becomes an extension of the narcissist, a fully controlled and manipulated object. Sex, to the narcissist, is the ultimate act of depersonalization and objectification of the other. "
This is some really scary stuff...and yet the fact that my ex meets almost all criteria of NPD, the above statement gives me cause to begin to question.
The fact that my children are all displaying signs of PTSD...lack of sleep, anxiety, stress factors, as well and some psychosematic symptoms,(my son complaining his stomach hurts, his head hurts and the complaints are ignored by the parent). There is obviously something going on in that house...I just cannot determine what. But one has to question another when the children are required to "live from within the house out" are "trained" to never ever disclose anything that goes on inside the home, even to their mother, or face punishment. WHAT IS BEING HIDDEN???? OR, if everything is so normal why worry????
CRAZZZZZYYY~~~FOR LOVIN' YOU
I figure it is time to discuss the lasting effects of spouse abuse. Many of these effects can also be applied to children who have been abused by a parent or caretaker.
Repeated abuse has long lasting traumatic effects such as panic attacks, hypervigilance, sleep disturbances, flashbacks (intrusive memories), suicidal ideation, and psychosomatic symptoms. The victims experience shame, depression, anxiety, embarrassment, guilt, humiliation, abandonment, and an enhanced sense of vulnerability.Initially, there is often much denial by the victim. Over time, however, the stress begins to erode the victim's life and psychological brutalisation results. Sometimes the victim develops an almost fatal resolve that, inevitably, one day she will be murdered Victims, unable to live a normal life, describe feeling stripped of self-worth and dignity. Personal control and resources, psychosocial development, social support, premorbid personality traits, and the severity of the stress may all influence how the victim experiences and responds to it. Surprisingly, verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse have the same effects as the physical variety [Psychology Today, September/October 2000 issue, p.24]. When a victim finally escapes, the abused woman (or, more rarely, man) feels helpless, self-doubting, worthless, stupid, and a like a failure for having botched her relationship and "abandoned" her "family". In an effort to regain perspective and avoid embarrassment, the victim denies the abuse or minimises it.No wonder that survivors of abuse tend to be clinically depressed, neglect their health and personal appearance, and succumb to boredom, rage, and impatience. Many end up abusing prescription drugs or drinking or otherwise behaving recklessly. Some victims even develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Acute Stress Disorder (or Reaction) are the outcomes of sudden exposure to severe or extreme stressors (stressful events). Some victims whose life or body have been directly and unequivocally threatened by an abuser react by developing these syndromes. PTSD is, therefore, typically associated with the aftermath of physical and sexual abuse in both children and adults. Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can be terrifying and even disabling. Common characteristics of the disorder include reliving the traumatic event through frightening memories—such as "flashbacks" that may cause you to temporarily lose your sense of reality (psychosis)—or nightmares that provoke the same feelings of horror, helplessness, and fear that you felt at the time of the event. These memories can be triggered by exposure to reminders of the event.It is common for other conditions to occur along with PTSD, such as depression or substance abuse. If you had other mental health conditions prior to the traumatic event, your symptoms of PTSD and the other condition may be more difficult to treat.Symptoms of PTSD in children and teens are often similar to those in adults. However, children and teens can have additional symptoms or problems.
PLANT THE SEEDS~WATCH THEM GROW
Have you ever played that childhood game, telephone??? You know the one...where you start off with one story, and as it is repeated, the story grows and changes.....with added and deleted pieces of information, so at the end, there is only the basic idea left.
Well this is another way to explain some of the techniques of people who alienate their children from the other parent. The childs memories of things, good and bad, are slowly, systematically, changed. The child still remembers, but not exactly the way things actually happened. The alienating parent will correct the child as to the way they remember, enforcing the details they prefer the child to "remember".
I will relate a example that I have just recently heard about. My 15 year old daughter was talking to her older sister. She was saying how she remembered that I never abused her or hit her or anything but I did "emotional" things. Like?? "Well, my mom used to make me feel afraid of my dad and I used to hide under my covers because she made me so afraid of him.But she is crazy anyway."
This is not exactly true, but somewhat. She did hide under the blankets. She always feared her father since he came back from the Desert Storm war in 1991 when she was a toddler. It got worse once he slapped her across the room. When he would get physically abusive, she would hide under her blankets. And she would also try to sneak over to me later to see if I was alright. The verbal abuse would make me cry alot. And the children would see me cry. Unfortunatly they witnessed alot of this; The different forms of abuse.
Now it seems as if Dad has done a little backtracking and ass covering, changing things around just enough so that he looks blameless...and I am the crazy one.
But, you know what?? Maybe I was a bit touched in the head at the time...Honestly, who wouldn't be, suffering from all the abuse by his hands??
Actually, it is called PTSD due to spouse abuse. And most people who are abused always seem to be viewed as hysterical, crazy, out of control. Very typical as they have been wounded, both physically and mentally. How many people can stay cool calm and collected after being beat down physically or emotionally???
Here is a direct quote from the book Malignant Self Love by Dr. Sam Vaknin:
"Therapists are not immune to these ubiquitous and age-old influences and biases.
They are amenable to the considerable charm, persuasiveness, and manipulativeness of the abuser and to his impressive thespian skills. The abuser offers a plausible rendition of the events and interprets them to his favor. The therapist rarely has a chance to witness an abusive exchange first hand and at close quarters. In contrast, the abused are often on the verge of a nervous breakdown: harassed, unkempt, irritable, impatient, abrasive, and hysterical.
Confronted with this contrast between a polished, self-controlled, and suave abuser and his harried casualties – it is easy to reach the conclusion that the real victim is the abuser, or that both parties abuse each other equally. The prey's acts of self-defense, assertiveness, or insistence on her rights are interpreted as aggression, lability, or a mental health problem"
This applies to police, judges ect as well.
http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html
I have avoided revisiting this subject for several days. No, I am not in denial...I just really hate jumping the gun and pointing fingers. Mentally I have continued to debate this whole "I dream of being raped" thing. And I am still...at a complete and total loss. I am praying to God that my "evil thoughts" are wrong. That my initial reaction, my gut feelings are completely, totally, off base. But I still feel the need to consider the posibilities. The "what if's". So I will debate this issue.
The dreams could be a representation of my daughter feeling as if she has been "raped" of her mother. A feeling of great loss. It could be feelings of loss of control, being over powered by an authority figure, combined with humiliation and someone overstepping her personal boundaries.
And then again, it could be pointing to what my immediate thought was. Parental incest. This is so hard for me to imagine. I want to yell NO WAY IN HELL....but yet, I would have said the same thing about him abusng my children like he did me. And this is happening right now!!
So I have to consider it. And funny, but when I was researching NPD(Narcasisstic Personality Disorder) there is a section all about sexual abuse of the child. Apparently the Narcasisstic person so much loves themselves, that they begin to see the child of an extention of themselves, and who better to have sex with then themselves...UUGGHH....
In fact, it seems, based on studies, that many pedophiles have NPD as well.
It is still about control and ownership.
I am going to quote Dr. Sam again as he as done extensive studies on NPD.
"An example: by being closely identified with his offspring, a narcissistic father secures the grateful admiration of the mother ("What an outstanding father/brother he is"). He also assumes part of or all the credit for baby's/sibling's achievements. This is a process of annexation and assimilation of the other, a strategy that the narcissist makes use of in most of his relationships.
As siblings or progeny grow older, the narcissist begins to see their potential to be edifying, reliable and satisfactory Sources of Narcissistic Supply. His attitude, then, is completely transformed. The former threats have now become promising potentials. He cultivates those whom he trusts to be the most rewarding. He encourages them to idolise him, to adore him, to be awed by him, to admire his deeds and capabilities, to learn to blindly trust and obey him, in short to surrender to his charisma and to become submerged in his follies-de-grandeur.
It is at this stage that the risk of child abuse - up to and including outright incest - is heightened. The narcissist is auto-erotic. He is the preferred object of his own sexual attraction. His siblings and his children share his genetic material. Molesting or having intercourse with them is as close as the narcissist gets to having sex with himself.
Moreover, the narcissist perceives sex in terms of annexation. The partner is "assimilated" and becomes an extension of the narcissist, a fully controlled and manipulated object. Sex, to the narcissist, is the ultimate act of depersonalization and objectification of the other. "
This is some really scary stuff...and yet the fact that my ex meets almost all criteria of NPD, the above statement gives me cause to begin to question.
The fact that my children are all displaying signs of PTSD...lack of sleep, anxiety, stress factors, as well and some psychosematic symptoms,(my son complaining his stomach hurts, his head hurts and the complaints are ignored by the parent). There is obviously something going on in that house...I just cannot determine what. But one has to question another when the children are required to "live from within the house out" are "trained" to never ever disclose anything that goes on inside the home, even to their mother, or face punishment. WHAT IS BEING HIDDEN???? OR, if everything is so normal why worry????
