VENGEANCE IS....not mine to take

Well, there have been some readers who are still commenting over my "anger" and the fact that I appear to be a vengful ex wife. I guess I have not made myself clear enough. So I will try again to explain myself and my "motives" here. Number one, I really DO dislike the behaviors of my ex husband. I do not hate him, but I do hate the things he has done, not only to me and my children, but to others as well. But how can one actually HATE someone that they used to love?? Hate someone whom, together, you created 3 wonderful children??? No matter what went on in the marriage or in the past, Hating him was never a part of it. Disliking him, oh yes. Disliking his behavior, most definitly. Vengful. Not trying to be. And if that is how anyone percieives me, I apologize. I do believe that children do need both of their biological parents, even if the parents are no longer together. A step-parent, regardless of how loving or caring they are, can never replace that parent, nor should they try. So, yes I am darn well angry that my ex and his wife launched their campaign to try and erase my total existance to my children. This was not fair to me, but mostly it was and is not fair to the children!!! And when a person or persons do something like this, I feel the need to question their actions and motives, as should everyone. Is this behavior and these actions in the best interest of a child??? I don't think so. There are certain things a father can give to their children and there are certain things a mother can. And NO ONE can replace this. Or try to replace that bonding by the child with this other parent. When one tries to do this, thru whatever actions, it eventually always comes back on them. Later on, once the child is grown, this parent, the one who tried to erase the other, will be viewed as the "bad Parent", the "hated Parent". This is not something I want my children to do or feelings I want them to have, as children, teenagers or adults. But, eventually, with the process of growing up, they begin to realize what has been done and how they were manipulated. And they will feel angry and feel betrayed by the one person they always trusted. In this case, their father. And the last thing I want is for my children to hate their father. But it seems the cycle will continue if things continue as they are. My "motives" with this blog are....well really when I began, I was venting....because I had just heard that my ex was verbally abusing my children, the same way he did me. And who knows what goes on behind closed doors?? When my doors were closed he was beating me....So of course I worry....I am angry at his denial that he ever abused me. He is in denial of all of the police reports. As if I or the MPs made it all up along with the injuries I recieved. I even tried to tell his then girlfriend that he was abusive and she said "not MY Yack"(she doesnt sepak very plain English). I guess I dreamed it all up, or he uses the common excuse, I MADE him abuse me. And I am angry. I am angry because, in some weird way, I TRUSTED HIM and his wife....to treat my children with respect, with honor, to allow them to be normal children, with normal rights to socialization, friendships, activities, ect. And this is NOT happening. I feel so betrayed, and I can't even begin to imagine the effects on my children's lives. Granted, he is an abuser, he is narcasistic to the nth degree, but I thought the children would matter to him. I actually thought that it was just ME. (Typical reaction of a victim of abuse) That with this new wife, she wouldn't trip him off like I obviously did. I thought he would CHANGE. I actually thought he HAD changed. After we seperated, and he had the children, he began doing things with the kids, taking them places, doing fun things, taking pictures, all things he would never do while married to me. He bought them nice things along with a new house. Things he never offered while we were married. We lived via the garage sale. Now, I see that this was all part of his facade, his act, to gain custody, to prove he was a changed person. A way for him to afford to remarry and not pay child support or spousal support. I beleive now that if he still had to do this, he would never had remarried. I actually have a taped phone conversation with him, where he stated that he was with this woman so she would care for the children, that she has no control of the children at all. That she is nothing in the equation.(maybe I should post a sound byte). But hopeful woman or men who are being abused can learn from my stories, to not make the same mistakes I have made. Maybe people in general will learn that Parental Alienation(PAS) or in my case total erasure of a parent is a form of child abuse!! Maybe people will begin to understand that men like my ex husband need more then a little parenting class on a military post, or more then a little anger management. They need major amounts of therapy. Maybe society will begin to examine the effects of PAS or PAS related behavior on the children. I may not be able to do anything for my children, as I can not afford one of the high priced lawyers that would be required along with a psychologist that we all would need to get past the effects of Parential Alienation, but if somehow my little blog can make a change for even one child, one abusive parent, one victim of abuse, then I can be satisfied with that. People have also asked me if I am afraid of a libel suit of some sort. I say NO. WHY?? Because each and every thing I speak about is DOCUMENTED!!! And one cannot sure for someone publishing the truth. I will use his name, his real name, and maybe it will protect other women from him. He is still out there "pokin the pooch" regardless of the fact he is married. Right now, in my opinion, without therapy of some kind, he is a danger to all women.

More Bad News....does it ever end???

I just got a wonderful email. From my old lawyer. The same lawyer, who in my opinion, didn't do a real great job to being with. But I figured I would offer her a chance to made amends to her lack of experience at the time. WRONG!!! She refused. No excuse, no nothing. Is she afraid she will lose again? Is she too busy? Is she afraid of Special Forces people? Or is she afraid that it might come to light that she did me a disservice when she handled all of this back in 98/99?? Looking back on it, and with what I know now, she did not have my best interests at heart. If she had, she would of made it a point to focus in on the fact that my ex was an abuser.That not only me, but our children were VICTIMS!!! HIS VICTIMS!! THE SYSTEMS VICTIMS!! At no point were any of the past records of his physical abuse brought up, EVER. She allowed these people to bash me, and never once questioned the glowing reports on the ex.She allowed these people to insinuate that I WAS the abuser! Never once did a question of the childrens "bonding" come up. If it had they would have realized that the ex was NEVER home. She, knowingly, let him and his chain of command testify in court that he would not be sent on any missions outside of the country. (yea, within 3 months he was POOF) SHE KNEW THIS WAS NOT TRUE! She could have at least done me the favor of demanding visitation when the judge said I needed to take the case to family court and "buy" myself a lawyer. This lady , this same lady, lived in the drug infested neighborhood that my ex moved me into when he went to Fort Bragg. She watched me walk the streets alone, pregnant, when I was in early labor, while my ex was serving during Desert Storm. I was one of the nes searching for her teenage daughter when she ran away from home and was been hidden by the local drug thugs. She was there, when we tried to take the neighborhood back, forming a community watch group. She saw me with black eyes, while she was in law school. And she knew that my children were the most important things in my life. And she also knew how important it was for me, to also allow their father to be part of their lives. She sat back and watched it all go to hell. She listened when the social worker testified," I believe that Mr Seymour will do whatever it takes to continue to abuse and hurt his wife, even use his children to do this". She was there when the guardian ad litem testified that he had scared her and stalked her. She was there when the ex did exactly what the judge ordered him not to do, and when the judge was informed, didn't even protest when the judge did nothing at all about it. But oh THATS RIGHT....her husband is retired Special Forces and we must all stick together Bro.... DE OPRESSO LIBER....free the oppressed. How about FREE THE ABUSED??!!!! And just now I was informed she is one of the "better" lawyers in the Fort Bragg Fayetteville, North Carolina area...... NEED I ASK....and whose reality check bounced??? (and continues to..) Here is a link to another case she screwed up...another lawyer appealing the verdict... Sue, you may want to check your reality.... http://www.aoc.state.nc.us/www/ids/Brief%20Bank/Briefs/In%20re%20J.S.%20and%20P.S.%20brief.doc