My Apology Letter

Dear Slick(JACKO WACKO) I just want to apologize for being so mean on this blog regarding you. I know that I am using this to vent pent up emotion and anger towards you as well as your sexual conquests of the past.(hootchie mama) My lovely daughter suggested that I was being mean. So I wonder if this means I should thank you?? Well what the hell......... Jacko, I thank you for bashing my head into the ground and causing that wonderful black eye, back in 1991. I thank you for calling me a "C*nt" during our whole marriage and erroneously teaching our children that this was my given name. I thank you for humiliating me in public at every opportunity by pointing out how fat I was or some other flaws of mine. I thank you for cheating on me, with every woman possible. You also taught me the exact meaning of "beer goggles" and I also thank you for that. I thank you for teaching me and others on your new and inventive ways of punishing the child... ways that actual marks would never show, as this punished a child emotionally and mentally. I thank you for your exhibition of ways to slit someones neck with a credit card, not sure what this knowledge would do for me, but your skills were wonderful. I thank you for your wealth of knowledge inside the mind of a person with only an 8th grade education. This definitly says something for our education system. I thank you for being the "MALE MODEL" that you are, as everyone should have always been jealous of me and my "FINE MAN". I thank you for kicking me in the stomach, while 8 months pregnant with our son, I am sure this helped to define who he is today. I thank you for slapping our 2 year old daughter across the face and knocking her across the room, all because she woke you up. I am sure you taught her a really good lesson. I thank you for throwing me across the bed and flipping me to the other side, as it increased my flexibility, especially with that broken arm. I thank you for buying all those guns and bullet loading kits, as I am sure that these helped to fed the children, when money was tight. I thank you for all the time you were at home, because even though you were always sleeping the children could at least look at you. And at least your body was there for most of the holidays. Jack, I thank you for pulling the knife on me and telling me how you will gut me like a pig. And how if this didn't work, you would make sure that if I were at an ATM machine that one of your team members would "take me out". I thank you for the threats to me and my lovely daughter, on how you would "take us out" at the wood line and no one would ever find our bodies. I thank you for your constant battering and belittleing of our children now. I thank you for continuing on with your behavior and now cheating on your new wife, hootchie mama, as it proves that the saying a "tiger never changes his stripes" still holds true. And I thank you most of all for........ALL OF THIS because, it has made me a stronger and much better person. I thank you for giving me the strength and will to pick up the ball and try to finally win your game of abuse,degradation, humiliation, and most of all control. I thank you because in the end, you will be the loser. You have already lost. Love, Beth ........whose reality check really bounced here???

OOPPSSS.......I made a mistake...So Spank Me(shrug)

OKay, so spank me, I admit it, I made a mistake....MOI?? Of course, I am only human and definitly do not claim perfection. My lovely daughter informed me that I have screwed up on the ex's nick name. I guess I had misunderstood, and I thought they had said Flick, which really would make sense as he constantly flicks his hair with his hand. But alas, this is WRONG. So from now on, the name is SLICK. I assumed, again wrongly, that this was because he always refers to people as "slicky boy", as in, " I see he was trying to pull another "slicky boy" on me." But I was wrong!!! He has the name of SLICK because apparently he slicks his hair back over to the side. To the point it almost looks like he is wearing a toupee. (see, I KNEW it had to be something about the hair, right on one count anyway) I was also informed by my lovely daughter(check out her pic bottom left) that this blog was funny, but mean. I guess reading some of the horrific things that happened, things she had seen, that reading back on it can be funny, to a point. And sometimes ya just have to laugh or else you might cry. And the mean and horrible things he did and said to me, the things that hurt then, I do laugh at, and wonder how such a "little" man could have upset me so badly and how was he able to control me so well. When it was happening it was NOT funny. So my next blog will contain a letter of apology to SLICK for being so mean. hahaha Did my reality check bounce this time?? UUmmmm NO.... I saw my mistake and corrected it.

Secrets from an X Special Forces WIfe......Greenie Beanies and Their Cheatin' Hearts

Yep, I am an ex Special Forces wife. In fact, I still have my awards making me an honorary Green Beret. I went thru the Q course with my ex, helped him study, make major CHA CHING doing bake sales so the guys could each have one of those cool group coins. I played on "NASTY NICK" the obstacle course at Camp McCall; Listened to a man who could barely speak "proper" English(he is American and speaks English, just not proper English) try to congugate verbs in really rotten Spanish; listened to him bitch and moan about how horrible it was in "PINELAND"....Yep I did it all. And had the bruises to prove it. Yep, he was an abuser. I heard alot of the old wives talk about something I had never heard of. The "B" wives. Apparently I was considered an "A" wife. Just as they have A teams and B teams, seems they have several wives as well, maybe not legally, but......these "B" wives are located in other countries, usually poor women with nothing else. They think these strong men wearing those green berets are the best white gringo's they have ever met. Of course, usually, they are not told about the dedicated wives and children on the homefront. Some of these women come to the states in search of these men they have met. The write letters to them, or call them, and when confronted by the A wife, usually have emotional break downs. There are some SF soldiers who actually lead duel lives. They have 2 seperate families. One stateside and one in the country that their group works in. The most horrible thing of all is that the chain of commands are totally aware of this, and may have even done the same things. This is accepted and they all aid one another in covering this behavior up. One may ask WHY?? Why a native from one of these 3rd world countries?? These women are more accepting...of abuse, of cheating, of everything. They will wait on these men hand and foot. WHY?? They are looking for that wonderful military ID card, their pass to the wonderful world of AAFES. (the PX/BX) Then of course, you have your SF "HAGS". These are women who are in search of any man who has a SF tab. Or the special ops hag, they want SF, Seal, Ranger, Delta...whoever. Usually for sex. They try to "EARN" those wonderful SF Group coins. With Sexual Favors. Some of these women are "3 holed qualified" and you can imagine what that one means. UUGGHH Then there are the SF "barracks hags". These are the same women who hang around the barracks and become pass around girls. They all have a turn being her "boyfriend". These girls tend to be locals or foreign nationals who were allowed to enter our military, with the promise of citizenship. I call these women "HOOTCHIE MAMA'S". Many are from the country of Panama, usually from impoverished areas. Most tend to have an education, but refuse to give up their customs when trying to fit into our society. Some of these are the same women who were bussed into our military installations, to "service" our male military members. Most of these women are perfect for the SF soldier. They will quietly accept being phsycially abused. The verbal abuse usually goes over their heads, because it is done in English. And humiliation has always been the norm within their cultures. And they won't tell. They will accept that their men cheat. THEY CAN HAVE THEM!!!! And whose reality check bounced this time?? I think it may be a double bounce.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder or"Why he needed a modeling portfolio"

What is a Narcissist?? A person who has an excessive sense of how important they are. They demand and expect to be admired and praised by others and are limited in their capacity to appreciate others' perspectives.The narcissist feels unique, unprecedented, indescribably special. His actions are of cosmic significance. As a result, he feels entitled to special treatment, even if such treatment is incommensurate with his talents, skills, or actual achievements.The narcissist is incapable of loving, or even empathizing with other people. To him, they are instruments in the compulsive pursuit of gratification, adulation, attention and affirmation ("narcissistic supply"). He does not fathom the human experience because his emotions are thoroughly repressed and he is obsessed with obtaining his "drug" (the aforementioned supply).The narcissist has conflicting needs. On the one hand, he derives his sense of self-worth and the regulation of his self-esteem from others. On the other hand, he needs to feel superior and contemptuous towards the very sources of his sustenance. Hence his erratic unpredictability, callousness, cruelty and dangerous capriciousness.The narcissist inflicts pain and suffering on his nearest and dearest: spouse, children, colleagues, employer, friends. He is a master of mental torture and psychological nightmares. The narcissist defends himself against abuse by becoming the abuser. Early childhood abuse is fended off by resorting to grandiose fantasies of omnipotence, omniscience, brilliance, unmitigated success and eternal love. There are actually 9 signs that can determine if one has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, according to the DSM( what mental health experts use); (1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements) (2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love (3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) (4) requires excessive admiration (5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations (6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends (7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others (8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her (9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes Male Modeling portfolio??? He gets better looking every day??!! Check out the picture on the upper right........ And again I will ask........whose reality check bounced???????