Is there such a thing as a "good" fight or a "bad" fight???? Personally, I hate the idea of "fighting" or arguing, especially when it is over children. When parents"fight" one another in court or even on a personal level, the effects on the children are enormous. But... is there a time when it is neccessary?? OF COURSE. It is my belief that ALL CHILDREN need both of their parents in their life.(unless that parent is abusive and hurts the child)
My children have been cut off from me TOTALLY by their father. And I do not think that this has EVER been in their best interest. He not only hurt them and me by his actions, but he also took something away from the children not no one else can ever replace. He has tried to break the emotional bonds that were create between mother and child(children). He was aware of what this could potentially do to the children. Yet his anger with ME was so much more important to him then the needs of the children.
So...Now......The "GOOD" fight begins. The reason I call it the "GOOD" fight is because my intentions are pure of heart. The fight is not for ME or to regain something long stolen. If it were just about ME and how I felt.....but it is about the CHILDREN. And how they feel, what they need, and the emotional things I can supply them. And I am the only one who can do this. He could remarry a million times, have tons of women in and out of their lives, find the most perfect person in the world, and yet none of these people can give my children what they need. Because no one can replace the mother, the person they bonded with at birth. thru their toddler years...No one can replace this person, even if they hardly remember this person, and this person might be a so called "shadowy figure"... a slight memory. But no one can replace the person. Even when a parent dies, and the family moves on, the parent who died is not forgotten, but put into a special place within a childs memory. When the remaining parent remarries, does the new parent try to replace the lost parent?? Not usually, and definitly not recommended.
The new parent should usually try to show respect for the deceased parent. So why is this not the norm with a divorce?? Because 2 people who marry, cannot get along and decide to seperate and divorce, is there a reason to also divorce the children??? NO
So my own personal "GOOD FIGHT" is on. It is going to be a long, hard struggle for me.
An emotionally taxing fight. I have had to go back over the history. I cried, I ranted, I lost it, temporarily. The PAIN of remembering and discussing it was TREMEMDOUS.
The fact that PAS, Parental ALienation, and HAP, Hostile Agressive Parenting is all a part of this, hurts me so much. To think of how badly it has had to hurt my children.
The spouse abuse of past, YES IT IS PAST, but the effects are long lasting. The fact that my children are still part of this cycle of abuse. HEARTBREAKING. People assume I am angry. I guess I am in some ways, but it is the PAIN that has been created. And the PAIN can misconstrued as ANGER. I cry and people just assume I am a hysterical woman. I cry because for all of these years my hands have been tied and I feel so powerless to protect my children. I cry because I SEE the abuse that has been done to my children. I cry because I see what has happened to these once confident children. I see the lack of confidence now, and the lack of self esteem.
This will be a long hard fight. Compared to my ex, I don't have a pot to piss in. He has the gorgeous house, and all the lovely things that go along with it. And it seems that court systems look at this and feel that these tangible things give the person brownie points . But, is it all THAT important??? Wouldn't it be more important for the child to have a supportive parent that tries to understand?? That loves them unconditionally??? That willing accepts them with all their faults?? As well as all of their perfection?? Maybe I just don't understand, or maybe I am unwilling to understand. And this might end up being my downfall. Being TOO honest has always ended up hurting me in the long run. But then again, that is a whole nother story.
