THE BAD PICKER
I admit it....I have a bad picker. It might be broken. I don't know...
Oh yea, what is a picker?? It is that "gut instinct" that most women have when meeting a man. You might notice that you seem to attract the losers, the abusers, the chronic assholes..... Your PICKER is broke or at the very least, malfunctioning! So ....Me personally, I end up chosing either men with a Narcisisstic personality disorder or men who are just too willing to do exactly what I say.."PW"ed. Either one extreme or the other. Does this have a familiar ring to it??? haha Well, my problem is not with the PWed men, they are passive and no threat to me. But...the narcisisstic men.......THEY are a problem.....and not just for me, but for many of us...in fact, some are problems in society in general. But there is good news..........There are tons of RED FLAGS that we all can be aware of!!! Most N's are very deceptive. They are hard to spot, hard to pinpoint and even worse, harder to pin down. Even mental health professionals have trouble so don't feel so badly. These guys present to us, the gullible women, this False Self...most of it is fictional. By the time he shows his true colors, it is usually too late. By then it is hard to seperate from them.
Good news, A list of the RED FLAGS!!!!!! So read and learn!
1. haughty body language~ as if he is so much better, superior we might think of it as a cockiness. Something some of us find attractive in some weird kind of way. You might notice his amused indifference to his surroundings, he will look you straight in the eye. But you may notice he doesn't get really physically close. He may verbally banter with others in social situations, although a condesending attitude might be noticable. He may mingle around, but he might appear to be the lone wolf type.
2. Entitlement~He will almost always ask for "special treatment"..whether it be not waiting his turn, demand to speak to a supervisor, get served first ect..He will demand the undivided attention of a waiter at a resturant, or the hostess.
He might get angry if he does not get his way, because he sees others as inferior to himself
3. Idealization or devaluation~ He will either instantly idealize you or devalue you. He will smoothly lavish you with compliments, flattery, acts as if he totally adores you almost to the point of it becoming embarrassing. Or he will go to the other extreme by totally humiliating you. Sulks, whines ect... and you wonder what the hell you did to deserve this!
Once they have you hooked, you will notice that this polite and charming guy does not exist. His flattery has deteriorated to caustic verbal barbs and hostility!
4. Membership posture "I BELONG HERE"~ This guy always tries to "belong".But at the same time, he tends to be an outsider. He seeks to be admired for his ability to integrate and ingratiate himself without exerting the effort.
Here is an example: "For instance: if the narcissist talks to a psychologist, the narcissist first states emphatically that he never studied psychology. He then proceeds to make seemingly effortless use of obscure professional terms, thus demonstrating that he mastered the discipline all the same, as an autodidact – which proves that he is exceptionally intelligent or introspective."
This guy prefers to show off...but there is nothing real about him. He will never admit to not knowing about something. He prefers others think he is a jack of all..If you question him further, you may see a spark of rage or he will change the topic.
5. Bragging~He will brag ALL of the time. I, me, myself are keywords for him. You will hear of his achievements, he will name drop, ect... But you might wonder, at his age, or based on what he does not, how this is true.
6. Sweet Emotions NOT~ He loves to talk.......ABOUT HIMSELF. He has NO interest in others, unless he is trying to feed off of them. He acts bored, distainful, even angry if YOU intrude on HIM. Might even see it as YOU abusing HIM!
This guy is dead serious about himself.He may possess a subtle, wry, and riotous sense of humor, scathing and cynical, but rarely is he self-deprecating.This self-misperception is not amenable to light-headedness or self-effacement. This guy is easily hurt and insulted.Even the most unintention remarks or acts are interpreted by him as belittling, intruding, or coercive. His time is more valuable than others' – therefore, it cannot be wasted on unimportant matters such as mere banter or going out for a walk.Any suggested help, advice, or concerned inquiry are immediately cast by him as intentional humiliation, implying that HE is in need of help and counsel and, thus, imperfect and less than omnipotent. These – the lack of empathy, the aloofness, the disdain, the sense of entitlement, the constricted sense of humor, the unequal treatment and the paranoia – render this guy a social misfit. He is able to provoke in his milieu, in his casual acquaintances, even in his psychotherapist, the strongest, most avid and furious hatred and revulsion. To his shock, indignation and consternation, he invariably induces in others unbridled aggression.
He is perceived to be asocial at best and, often, antisocial. This, perhaps, is the strongest presenting symptom. One feels ill at ease in the presence of him for no apparent reason. No matter how charming, intelligent, thought provoking, outgoing, easy going and social he is – he fails to secure the sympathy of others, a sympathy he is never ready, willing, or able to reciprocate.
